


A Simpler Kind of Paradise

by xDestinyIsCallingx



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Old Married Spirk Challenge, old married spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 09:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDestinyIsCallingx/pseuds/xDestinyIsCallingx
Summary: Spock and Kirk have been happily married some years that is until Jim is invited to join the maiden voyage of the Enterprise-B where tragedy strikes and Spock must deal with Jim's supposed death, their broken bond and the strange dreams he has subsequently that tell him that Jim isn't dead, merely trapped. Will Spock trust his gut feeling that Jim is alive? And will Leonard McCoy's wits be able to survive?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tal-Kam - Dear  
> Ashalik - Darling, Beloved  
> T'hy'la - Y'all know this one  
> Adun - Husband  
> Taluhk nash-veh k'dular - I cherish thee  
> Ashayam - Beloved, Beloved person  
> K'Diwa - Beloved  
> Ashal-veh - Darling

Jim awoke to his alarm. He grumbled and reached to turn it off. He turned, squinting from the light, he reached a hand over to find the space next to him empty, the covers straightened and tucked neatly down the side. Jim exhaled. Sometimes he wished Spock was inclined to stay in bed just a little bit longer with him. Jim pulled back the covers and stretched, it was still quite early, 8 a.m but Spock had always been an early riser to meditate and get as much work done as he could possibly fit into a day. Jim was always reminding him that he should try and pace himself before he keeled over but every time Spock would remind him in return that Vulcan's could handle longer hours and heavier work loads better than humans and every time Jim would concede but tell him not to push himself regardless, finishing his point with a simple kiss to the cheek which would quiet any counter remarks the Vulcan would try to offer, allowing Jim to have the last word.

Once Jim was dressed he made his way to the kitchen where he found Spock, sitting at the table nursing a herbal tea. He looked up as Jim entered and greeted him. "Good morning, Tal-kam."

Jim gave a small, tired smile as he poured himself a cup of coffee that had already been made by Spock for him. "Morning, Spock." He yawned loudly as he took his cup and joined Spock at the table.

"Did you not sleep well, Jim?" Spock asked noticing his husband's slower moves this morning.

Jim shook his head.

"No, I slept fine. I guess I'm not used to waking up so early these days. Ever since we retired I've been getting too used to staying in bed longer. Although, my main incentive for staying seems to have other ideas." Jim said, peering over his coffee mug as he took a drink. Spock raised an eyebrow at him.

"Unlike humans, I do not require to rest quite as long or feel the need to stay in bed any longer than necessary." Spock, of course, was teasing him in his own way but sometimes Jim found it hard to tell. He's getting too good at it, Jim thought, I may not be able to be quite as persuasive as I used to. Jim himself raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner at an attempt to stay in the game.

"It is a shame that Vulcan's don't find the advantages of such things." Spock knew that Jim was baiting him, Jim knew that Spock knew, they had performed this ritual of teasing and casual flirting over the years; even alone, when they knew how it would end, they still found gratification in engaging each other in this way.

"I do not see what advantages could be had from extended periods of time in our bed." Spock's eyes were dancing with playfulness, an old, familiar heat underlying it. Jim's own look was coy and inviting, he smiled whilst shrugging one shoulder.

"That's too bad. I'd have liked to have shown you some examples of such advantages." Jim made to get up and get ready but was stopped by Spock's hand gently but firmly taking hold of his wrist, his fingers resting on Jim's pulse.

"Jim." Spock's voice had turned smoky and Jim knew he had won this game. A thrill sung between them as Jim slipped his wrist free to meet Spock's fingers in a Vulcan kiss. Spock loosened his hold letting his fingers glide across Jim's skin until their fingertips touched.

Suddenly, the computer from the next room whistled, indicating an incoming message. Jim sighed and Spock quirked an angled brow as Jim reluctantly let go of his hand to see who had interrupted them. Jim sat down to listen to the message. Spock joined him a few moments later after emptying both of their mugs, he noticed Jim's put out look. "Is there something wrong?" Spock came to stand by his side.

"It would seem they are planning to start the maiden voyage of the Enterprise-B earlier than intended." Jim looked at the time. "I better get ready." Jim made to leave for their bedroom but noticed Spock's pensive look. "What's the matter?"

Spock shook his head. "I am not entirely sure but I have a certain-- resistance to you attending."

Jim smiled fondly. He took Spock's hand in his own. "There's nothing to be concerned about. It's only a short trip to show her off after all."

"Are you quite sure that you do not want me to accompany you?" Spock asked, covering Jim's hand.

"It's not like I don't want you to be there but you said yourself you have work to do ." Jim moved closer to Spock taking in his still apprehensive expression. "Besides, I'll be back before you know it."

Spock held up two fingers. "Then I shall await your return."

Jim beamed as he met Spock's Vulcan gesture with his own, adding a quick kiss to his lips for good measure before turning away. Spock placed his hands behind his back once Jim had left, he stood there for a moment unable to shake the illogical feeling of unease towards Jim attending, it did not make sense but ever since he had been invited Spock had been harbouring an odd sense of foreboding. He had not mentioned it to Jim for he had no real basis for it.

Jim left twenty minutes later, pressing a kiss to Spock's temple before he did so. Spock followed shortly after to his teachings. He had been asked a few years ago if he would consider taking the position but he had refused but things had changed where he now did not have to choose adding the fact that Jim had retired and had, as Jim put it, "finally made an honest Vulcan of him." He was able to take the teaching position and have Jim by his side. He was most fortunate for how things had turned out. Today he had been asked to present his research on primitive lifeforms and their differing rates of evolution, he had been working on it for some months, it should serve as an adequate distraction until Jim returned home. He gathered up his things and headed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim arrived at the star-base and had met up with Scotty and Chekov who were also invited to witness the Enterprise-B's first flight.

"Captain! Good to see yer." Scotty grinned as he shook Jim's hand warmly.

"You too, Scotty." Jim smiled. "How's Uhura?"

"Ah, she's busy today with the little one."

Jim blanched for a moment. "I didn't know you had kids." Jim didn't want to be rude, but weren't they a little old to be having kids?

"Aye, well we don't or we didn't. She's been looking into adoption for a while now and well, we've had young B'lena nearly a year now."

Jim looked at Scotty a happy smile for his former chief engineer covering his face. "Well, I'm pleased for you two. Tell Uhura that I'd love to meet, er... her?"

Scotty smiled. "Aye, she's a wee lass, feisty as anything but she's got a keen interest in engineering, she's a bright one." Scotty seemed happy and overflowing with pride and Jim was warmed by it. Jim then turned and put a hand on Chekov's shoulder.

"It's been awhile. How are you Chekov?"

"Yes, keptin. I last saw you at your vedding. And I'm doing wery vell, thank you, ser."

"That long? Well, I'm glad that since then you seemed to have done very well for yourself." He clapped Chekov on the shoulder and addressed Scotty again. "So, have you gotten a peek at her yet, Mr. Scott?"

Scotty sighed. "Negative. Apparently, they couldn't allow me to take a look."

"I wouldn't take it personally, Scotty. It's an entirely new ship and crew to handle her now." Jim looked melancholy for a moment. "We're not a part of this new generations ventures. They're carrying on what we started, Scotty."

Scotty nodded. "Aye, but I bet ya we could still give them a run for their money."

Jim gave a small laugh. "I don't doubt that you could, Mr. Scott."

_"The Enterprise-B will be leaving shortly. Will all attendees of it's maiden voyage please report to the transporter room and come aboard."_

Jim looked around as the announcement was made. People started to make their way to be transported.

"That's our que, gentlemen."

Once aboard the Enterprise-B they were treated to a tour of the ship, to which Scotty was delighted with and Jim had suspected that Scotty had kept up with his recreational activity of reading engineering manuals as he kept interrupting the resident engineer who was showing them around with facts about the new installments before they could finish. Fortunately, they didn't seem to be annoyed but quite pleased, in the end Scotty and the engineer were on the bridge, drinking and talking amiably about the ship. Jim smiled as he passed. He stood on the outskirts of the room, looking over the new bridge. How familiar but different it looked. He wondered what kind of mysteries this ship would see. He was almost envious but they'd had their time and thanks to he and Spock finally getting their act together he was happier than he could ever remember being. The arrival of Captain Gelt broke him from his thoughts as he announced that the ship was to leave in approximately thirty minutes.

*

Spock had finished presenting his findings sooner than he had anticipated and he was told that his students would be given some time off to get some study time in so he was free once his presentation was finished and so his anxiety had only been shortly pushed aside. He checked the time, the Enterprise-B would still be in dock, Spock thought for a moment. He could join Jim, he would have time to arrive before the ship left port. He may feel more at ease as well if he were with him then waiting for him to return at home. Spock made up his mind to join Jim.

*

Jim was talking with the captain, making light conversation, keenly aware of the camera hovering over his shoulder recording the event. To his relief the captain left to talk to someone else and the camera man followed him. Jim sagged with an exhale and heard a chuckle behind him. "Having fun, Captain?" Jim turned and gave an exasperated look to Scotty.

"All this attention is a little..." Jim tried to find a word.

"Annoying?" Scotty suggested.

"Just a tad." Jim admitted as he stepped up to stand with Scotty. As they looked over the bridge Jim noticed someone hurry over to Captain Gelt and talk to him. Jim was curious as the captain's face looked surprised at first but then turned visibly pleased. What's happening? Jim thought. The captain hurried away. What in the- Jim was halfway through his thought when Spock stepped onto the bridge, eyes searching. His wondering gaze landed on his goal and they noticeably brightened. Jim met Spock halfway, smile plastered on his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I had finished with my responsibilities much sooner than I had intended and I had thought my presence here might be appreciated."

Captain Gelt, who was still a little dumbfounded to have so many high status veterans on his ship, failed to notice the look shared between the couple. "It is indeed an honour to have you aboard, sir." He said to Spock enthusiastically. Spock barely spared him a glance and a polite nod before returning his full attention back to Jim. The captain seemed to take that as a hint to leave them be, so excusing himself he went to mingle again.

"I'll be honest, Spock. I'm glad you were able to make it. I've been feeling a little out of place here."

Spock looked around at all the younger members of the crew and took in the re-imagined bridge. "Understandable, but you shouldn't feel so, Jim. They seem to be quite pleased with you being here." Jim gave him a teasing side eye.

"I don't know. They seem to be more excited that you showed up than me."

Spock gave him a withering look. "Ashalik, my presence wasn't expected, it is natural that they would be curious."

"I wouldn't think so lightly of yourself. You turn heads, my dear."

Spock turned to Jim as they moved past a group of people and were out of out earshot. "As do you."

Jim was about to say something more but he noticed Spock's diverted gaze and turned to see what might have caught the Vulcan's attention, Jim noticed the camera man from before approaching. Jim turned his back on them and took a hold of Spock's elbow, guiding him to where Scotty and Chekov were standing. Chekov noticed them first. "Meester Spock!" his surprised delight made the few who weren't already aware of Spock's arrival turn to see what the commotion was, Chekov didn't notice though. "It is good to see you, ser!" Spock placed a hand on his shoulder to settle him and greet him.

"And you, Pavel." He inclined his head to Scotty. "Mr. Scott. It is pleasing to see you again."

"Aye, Mister Spock. It is."

Jim's smile softened at their small reunion.

"Ladies and gentlemen. We will be pulling out of dock now. Our course will take us past the asteroid belt, we will continue on to Pluto where we will end our trip and turn back around and return to base." Captain Gelt gestured to seats for Scotty, Chekov and Jim. "Gentlemen." He then looked to Spock. "I'm sorry, we weren't expecting you we only-"

"Apologies are quite unnecessary, Captain." Spock followed the others to their seats and placed himself behind Jim's chair, hands behind his back. Jim gave him a fond look before turning his attention forward again. Captain Gelt took his own seat in the captain's chair and was about to give the command to take the ship out of port but had a thought before he did so. He turned to Jim. "Captain Kirk. Would you do the honours?"

Jim looked surprised. "Oh no. I-"

"I insist." Gelt said.

Jim looked between Scotty and Spock as the camera's pushed in on him. Spock simply raised an eyebrow, slightly amused at Jim's predicament.

Jim sighed.

"Alright." He stood, everyone looking at him expectantly. "Take us out."

Everyone applauded. Jim felt just a little embarrassed, sitting back down quickly. Scotty gave him a pat on the back.

Soon enough they were past the asteroid belt and things so far had gone rather smoothly. Not much longer, Jim thought, he was more than ready to go back home and now that Spock was finished with his work they could just relax for the rest of the day. What nobody expected to happen was to then receive a distress call. The signal was weak but they just managed to make out the ship's name and what the state of emergency was. Jim sat forward in his seat.

Captain Gelt seemed to be unsure of what to do. "We're not equipped to answer a distress call." Jim stood and leant over the railing.

"But you're the only ship in the quadrant."

Gelt hesitated. "We're not even fully staffed. Half the crew's missing."

"We have to do something." Jim insisted.

Gelt nodded.

"Alright. Lock onto transmission co-ordinates."

Jim sat back down, resisting interfering. Spock stood steadfast by his side. They came to the ship's location and what they found concerned them greatly. A huge energy distortion had trapped two ships. They sat on the edges of the disturbance. Jim noticed Gelt's expression. He would not interfere he told himself but then Gelt looked to him.

"Captain Kirk?"

Well, he asked, Jim thought. Spock pulled back his shoulders ready to do whatever was necessary. Jim looked to the trapped ships on the screen then back to Gelt. The ship shook as energy ribbons hit them. Jim's mind raced.

"Tractor beam."

"What?"

Jim looked at him more urgently. "Tractor beam."

"We don't have tractor beams."

Jim looked disbelieving. "You left dock without tractor beams?"

Gelt looked almost guilty. "They won't be installed til Tuesday." He turned to the helm. "What if we released the plasma from the warp drives to try and break them free of the energy ribbons."

"A futile attempt." Spock interjected. "It would have minimal effect."

"Any suggestions would be welcome."

Jim shared a look with Spock an agreed idea passing between them. Jim nodded. "First, get us within transporter range. Beam those people on board the Enterprise."

"What about the gravimetric distortions? They'll tear us apart."

Jim laid a hand on Gelt's shoulder. "Risk is part of the game. You want to sit in that chair?"

Gelt nodded. "Helm! Get us with in transporter range!"

Close by a camera was still rolling, Jim waved it away.

"And turn that damn thing off."

"Sir! Engineering reports fluctuation in the warp plasma relay."

Another crew member was having difficulties with transportation. "I'm having trouble locking onto them. We appear to be in some kind of temporal flux."

Jim quickly approached. "Scotty!"

Scotty took a look, a confused expression on his face. "What the hell. Their life signs are fazing in and out of our space time continuum."

Spock quirked an eyebrow. Jim looked at Scotty. "Fazing? to where?"

An alarm went off at the helm. "Sir! Their hull's collapsing!"

"Beam them out of there Scotty." Jim urged as they looked to the viewer screen.

Seconds later the ship exploded. Scotty let go of the controls slowly. "Transport complete." Jim turned away from the wreckage. "I got forty-seven... out of one hundred fifty." Scotty relayed solemnly.

Jim's eyes cast down at the loss, everyone was quiet until the ship lurched violently knocking everyone off of their feet, forcing them to grab the nearest support. The helm started to spark and ended up blowing up in the navigators face, throwing them backwards. Jim tried to regain balance almost falling again but Spock was their to grab him and hold him in an iron grip. Jim turned to an officer. "Report!"

"We're caught in the gravimetral field emanating from the trailing ribbons."

Captain Gelt pulled himself up. "All engines full reverse!"

Meanwhile, Checkov was dealing with the rescued members of the destroyed ship. They were confused and frightened, Chekov was doing his best to placate them. If only we had a full medical team, he thought.

The ship lurched again. We have to get out of here. He hoped that Kirk and the others would get them to safety. They'd gotten them out of stickier situations.

Back on the bridge Scotty was still trying to break them free. "There's just no way to disrupt a gravimetric field of this magnitude."

Spock had now occupied a station and was reporting the status of the ship. "Hull integrity at eighty-two percent."

Scotty sighed. "But... I do have a theory."

Jim turned to Scotty a small smile on his face. "I thought you might."

"An anti-matter discharge directly ahead might disrupt the field long enough for us to break away."

Jim nodded. "Photon torpedoes."

"We're losing main power, Jim." Spock said. Jim acknowledged with a quick nod.

"Ready torpedoes. Prepare to fire on my command."

The helm's navigator interrupted. "Captain. We don't have any torpedoes."

Jim looked to Gelt. "Let me guess, Tuesday?"

Gelt opened his mouth but closed it again, having nothing to say.

"Hull integrity forty percent." Spock updated.

"Captain!" Jim turned to Scotty. "It may be possible to simulate a torpedo blast using a resonate burst from the main deflector dish."

The ship shuddered making Jim stumble, gripping onto the captain's chair. "Where are the deflector relays?"

"Deck fifteen. Section twenty-one alpha."

"I'll go." Gelt said. Jim turned to Gelt, surprised. "You have the bridge."

Jim watched him go and settled himself into the captain's chair, how long had it been? Spock watched him a moment then went back to what he was doing. If Jim was honest with himself he wanted to be back in that chair, would gladly take command, but this wasn't his ship. Not anymore.

"Wait."

Gelt stopped just before entering the turbo lift. Spock also looked up.

"Your place is on the bridge of the ship. I'll take care of it." Jim met Gelt at the turbo lift and nodded to him to go back. "Scotty." Jim turned to address him almost crashing into Spock who was right behind him. "Spock? What are you-"

"My place is with you, T'hy'la." Jim smiled but he would feel better if Spock were here, but he knew from the look in Spock's eyes that any argument would be futile. And he'd used the term T'hy'la which Spock knew rendered him helpless.

"Alright." He looked back to Scotty. "Keep the place together until we get back."

"I always do."

Jim gave Spock one last look before entering the turbo lift with him.

Jim and Spock climbed down the ladder, making their way down through the hull. Pipes had been damaged hissing out fumes and the ship shook causing them to be tossed around. One particularly hard shake threw Jim into the wall.

Spock came to his side. "Are you alright?"

Jim struggled to get up. "Yes, come on." Spock lead this time, holding Jim's hand as they found what they were looking for. He opened the circuit compartment.

"Forty-five seconds to structural collapse!"

"Bridge to Captain Kirk!" Scotty was at the helm now. Spock and Jim were moving around the relay's to tie into the deflector dish as quickly as they could. "Kirk here!" Spock started the final process of connecting them to the deflector dish.

"I don't know how much longer we can keep it together!"

Spock nodded to Jim that it was done. Jim jerked his head to leave. "That's it! Let's go!"

Spock and Jim raced back through the small corridor to reach safer levels. They climbed back up the ladder. The turbo lift just in sight. Jim had almost made it up when the ship jerked causing Jim to lose his hold and fall back down.

Spock turned. "Jim!" He made to go back down the ladder.

"No! Spock keep going! I'll be right behind you!" He got up, wincing but managing to start climbing again. Spock waited for him ready to pull him up. Suddenly, the lights flickered and sparks flew from the ceiling, Spock shielded his face.

"Jim, you must hurry." Then to Spock's horror the hatch leading to the lower decks automatically closed. "Jim!" Spock tried to pry it open. Jim on the other side tried to push but it was hopeless. He dropped his hands.

"Spock."

"Hold on, Jim."

Jim shook his head. "Get to the turbo lift Spock."

Spock didn't reply.

"Spock!"

"I will not leave you."

"You can't stay! Spock, I'm begging you. Go!"

Scotty put in the final commands. "Activate main deflector!"

The deflectors started to move the ship. "We're breaking free!" The navigator reported.

"Spock, there's no time. Please."

"Do not ask me to abandon you, Adun. I will not."

Jim felt desperate. He placed his hand flat against the hatch. Spock sensed it and did the same. "I'm sorry, love."

Spock closed his eyes just focusing on the connection he felt between them, sending Jim comfort. "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular..."


	3. Chapter 3

The ship was starting to pull away farther and had almost made it a safe distance when a ribbon hit the side of the hull. The most violent shudder yet went through the ship, throwing the whole crew around. The navigator pulled themselves up. "It's alright! I'm increasing power to compensate!" A few seconds later and they had made it.

"You did it Kirk!" Gelt shouted through the intercom. "Damage report, ensign."

"There's some buckling on our starboard side. We also have a hull breach in engineering section. Emergency shields in place and holding."

"Where?" Scotty demanded.

"Section twenty through twenty-eight. On decks thirteen, fourteen... and fifteen."

Scotty opened a channel. "Bridge to Captain Kirk! Mister Spock! Please respond." Silence. Scotty felt dread course through him. "Have Chekov meet me on deck fifteen."

*

Spock winced as he came to. His head was in immense pain. His vision blurred as he tried to strain and get his bearings. Spock suddenly realised the alarms had been disabled. It must have worked then. His vision cleared and that's when he saw the gaping hole in the side of the ship. How was he still alive? A beat. Jim! He looked to the hatch, it had been blown open. He scrabbled to look inside but all he was met with was empty space. No...

Scotty emerged from the turbo lift, Gelt and Chekov in tow. Scotty saw Spock. "Mister Spock! How in the devil?" He knelt by him looking Spock over than at the open hull. Spock didn't respond, he just stared out.

"My god." Said Chekov, he looked at Spock. "Was there anyone else down here?"

Scotty looked at Spock's unresponsive face, he answered for him.

"Aye."

Spock hadn't even heard any of them, he was too consumed by the emptiness he felt in his mind. He tried reaching for the bond but he was grasping at tendrils that were slipping away. The panic he felt as the bond dissipated shook him deeply. Scotty placed a hand on Spock's shoulder and could feel him physically shaking. "Mister Spock. I think we should get you looked at."

Captain Gelt, who had been preoccupied staring at the enormity of the damage, finally looked to Spock. "How can it be that you weren't pulled out too?"

Scotty turned on the captain. "Lad!" he said harshly, scolding him for his lack of tact. Spock finally tore his eyes away from the open space with dull eyes at Gelt, the lack of emotion made him shiver. Spock tried to stand, Scotty helped him when he stumbled a little.

"Let's get him back to the bridge."

Spock felt the looks he was receiving but he just gazed ahead as he allowed Scotty and Chekov to guide him away from the place of tragedy. Scotty had offered to take him to sick bay but Spock had declined with a small shake of his head, besides they had the passengers from the other ships to worry about. Everyone's eyes carefully avoided him as they went about making repairs and preparing to return to port. Spock, on the outside was carefully composed, unblinking and seemingly unperturbed. He knew that some of them would be thinking ill of him. He'd just lost his husband, were Vulcan's that cold that it meant nothing to him? Spock did not care what some of them may be thinking because on the inside he was in agony, worst than any pain he had ever experienced in his life. He wanted to scream and shout that they should try and recover Jim. Why weren't they trying? If anyone looked close enough they might be able to notice the barely visible tremors in his hands. The only external indicator that he was affected. Scotty and Chekov knew though. They had known their captain and commander for a long time and they recognised Spock's closed off attitude as a very telling sign of Spock's anguish. They stayed close by, remaining so until they returned.

*

The ship docked all too soon for Spock. Just like that, they were home. The crew helped the survivors of the destroyed ship un-board, aid came rushing to take them to better facilities. Spock got out of the way, he was eyed by a doctor nearby but Scotty made sure they left him alone. Scotty turned to Spock attempting to finally talk to him. "Mister Spock." Scotty made to sound as comforting as possible. "Would you like me and Chekov to take yer home?"

Home. Could he go home right now? Scotty grew concerned at Spock's prolonged silence.

"That," Scotty looked up at hearing Spock's voice for the first time since the incident. "will not be necessary. Thank you. I... wish to be alone." Scotty heard the scarcely constrained pain in Spock's words and knew that, for now, it would be best to give Spock what he wanted.

"Aye. If that's what yer want. But remember we'll be here when yer need us."

Spock nodded stiffly then walked away.

Scotty and Chekov watched him go. "Ser. Should ve let him go like this?"

Scotty nodded solemnly. "He needs to grieve, lad. Let him be."

Chekov watched sadly after Spock. "Aye, ser." Chekov moved off to help with the support efforts. Scotty continued to keep an eye on Spock as he slowly walked farther away.

A voice dragged his attention away however.

"Scotty! Scotty!" He turned and saw Uhura running towards him, their daughter holding her hand, relief evident on her face.

"Uhura!"

She ran straight into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck. "Thank God you're alright." She pulled back, placing both hands either side of his face, looking him over. "What happened?" Scotty dropped his shoulders, shaking his head. He looked down at B'lena and placed a hand atop her head at her worried expression. He kept one arm around Uhura as he looked into her face sadly. She stroked the side of his face. "What is it, dear?" Scotty looked in the direction Spock had gone and sighed.

"We lost Captain Kirk."

Uhura looked at Scotty, confused and shook her head. "You don't mean... Oh, Scotty, he's not-?" Scotty's expression told her it was the truth. Her eyes began to water and Scotty gathered her up into his arms again. "How will we tell Mister Spock?"

"He was there, Uhura."

She pulled back, a hand over her mouth. "Spock too?"

"No, lass. He made it. By god's I don't know how but he's alive."

She looked around. "Where is he?"

"He's gone. He left that way just a moment ago."

Uhura took both his and B'lena's hand.

"What are yer doing?"

"We have to go to him."

Scotty smiled softly at Uhura. "I offered to take him home but he wanted to be left alone. He needs some time, love."

Uhura bit her lip as it began to quiver again. "But he must be so heartbroken."

"Aye, dear. But we must let him alone for now." He wrapped an arm around her and together with their daughter headed home.


	4. Chapter 4

Spock wandered for a long time and as it started to get dark finally made himself head home.

The door opened to their San-Francisco home, he let the evening light proceed him into the dark house. He stood in the doorway waiting until he was ready to step inside and have reality slap him in the face to greet him.

Spock eventually stepped inside, the silence permeating all around. He looked around at their home, the kitchen to his right, the mugs they had used that morning sitting on the side. He headed straight for their bedroom he couldn't be around signs of Jim's presence just yet. He plunged himself into the semi-darkness and safety of their bedroom. Once surrounded by the four walls and feeling finally hidden he allowed himself to surrender to his pain. His anguish of being utterly helpless to save Jim tied with the insult to injury of surviving him even when he should also be de- Spock closed his eyes tightly, he couldn't bring himself to even think that word just yet. Inhaling unsteadily he made his way over to their bed. He just looked at it for a time. He looked at his side, made and almost like it hadn't been slept in. Then he looked at Jim's side, covers pulled back, pillow still indented. Spock's fists clenched, his finger nails digging into his palm. In a fit of grief he grabbed a fistful of the covers and yanked them off, throwing them to the floor. He stood there, breath heaving. The quick burst of anger quickly turned into overwhelming sadness and Spock almost choked on the thick emotion that clogged his throat.

He covered his eyes as he fell to his knees, one hand still clinging to the bed. A few sobs escaped, reality had hit him. He tried to control his wracking body, tried to stop the twisting in his heart. His mind was fogged by loss, too busy trying to re-connect the bond that had disappeared so abruptly. That hurt the most. It felt like someone had reached in and wrenched out the most vital part of him. He uncovered his eyes and sat there staring hollowly at the floor.

An hour, six minutes and twenty-three seconds passed before Spock finally lifted his eyes away from that one spot on the floor. The room had become significantly darker, the last dregs of sunlight touching the very tops of the walls. Spock could just make out his reflection in the mirror in front of him. He stood shakily, feeling weak. He took a closer look at himself, he looked totally wrecked, his clothes were burnt and in disarray from the accident, he didn't though, he realised, have one scratch on him, not one piece of evidence that he had been down that hull with Jim apart from his clothes. He'd been through all of that, suffered such a great loss and not one bit of damage to his person. He unburdened himself from his destroyed robes, leaving him in just his under garments. He didn't bother to pick up the clothes and move them somewhere neatly like he usually did, he just crawled onto their bed, picking up the discarded covers as he went and covered himself, laying on Jim's side and burying his head into his beloved's pillow. Some would say it was lucky, unbelievably so, that Spock had not been harmed but to him it would have been better if he had, external wounds were easier to heal than those to the soul.

*

Spock somehow managed to drift off to sleep. The sheer emotional exhaustion finally becoming too much. When he finally came to, his mind took a few moments to re-process the sense of lonliness... blind panic hit him full force and he instinctively reached for Jim. So, yesterday had happened, Spock thought despondently. Vulcan's did not dream but Spock wished more than anything that yesterday's events had been one.

The bright sun and bird song that came from outside was little more than background noise and the sun seemed duller than usual. Usually one to be an early riser he now found himself loathe to leave the safety of the covers offered from the outside world. Ironic that he should want to stay in bed now that Jim was not here to share it with him. He could not let himself become complacent though, he would have to leave sooner or later. Dragging himself from their bed he managed to get himself into the bathroom where he showered and almost in a daze got himself dressed.

He sat in the kitchen, a cup of warm coffee between his hands. A drink that his Vulcan taste buds found unpleasant but it was Jim's preferred choice to start the day and the smell of the freshly brewed beverage gave him something to ground himself. He took a sip of the coffee but that was all, he sat there for some time just cradling the cup until it's contents grew cold.

He'd never felt so unsure with what to do with himself before. He did not know what he should do, he still had his job, that would carry on and so would other parts of his life but in this moment he felt like nothing existed, couldn't now that Jim was gone. He still couldn't comprehend that, even though his logical mind impressed upon the fact. He knew he would have to live without Jim at some point, it was inevitable, due to his Vulcan DNA he would outlive him by a number of years, the same thing had happened to his father when his mother had passed and he was aware one should always acknowledge the possibility of unforeseen circumstances such as an accident or illness but acknowledging it and experiencing it are two very different things. For some irrational reason Spock had come to see Jim as an ever present focal point, Jim just didn't seem like the kind of person who could die, ridiculous of course because all things must come to an end but Jim had a way about him that made him seem eternal.

Spock made his way back to their room, he opened up the drawers and started to go through Jim's clothes, taking each piece out one by one and laying them out on the bed. There was no real logic to his actions he just felt the need to do something. In one of the very last draws, pushed to the back was one of Jim's old captain's shirts. He gently took it out and slowly unfolded it, he felt the material between his fingers, the light caught the star-fleet insignia and the golden bands around the cuffs, Jim had kept it in pristine condition. Memories flitted through Spock's mind as he clutched the yellow shirt closer.

One memory in particular that stuck out was from a long time ago, long before they had married. It was around the time their five year mission had ended and their unspoken feelings for each other were becoming quite evident, to everyone else apart from them it would seem, and as the end grew nearer it was becoming more apparent that something had to be done. Of course McCoy having to put up with the nonsense the longest, decided to interfere by locking them in a briefing room to sort it out, not letting them out until they got their "shit" together. To McCoy's smug satisfaction it had worked. Spock remembered how daunting the thought of telling Jim how he felt had been and how like with most situations Jim had taken their's by the horns. Spock had been very much stunned and almost had Jim walk out on him when he had delayed his answering him too long. Jim had banged on the door demanding McCoy to let him out but had been cut off by Spock taking a hold of his arm and spinning him around to face him. Jim's face had been stricken, wanting distance, taking Spock's silence as rejection. That is what had spurred Spock on to "sealing the deal" as McCoy had put it.

_"Jim."_

_He didn't meet Spock's eyes. Spock built up the courage to tell Jim what he most certainly reciprocated. If he didn't now he knew he would lose Jim forever._

_"Jim, look at me."_

_Jim was stubborn though. Spock's eyes softened and he placed two fingers under his chin to turn his head to look at him._

_"I have yet to give you an answer."_

_"Spock... if you don't feel the same way, please, just let me-"_

_"I do love you."_

_Jim floundered. "Wha- You... do?"_

_"Yes, Jim."_

Jim's face had broken out into one of the biggest and brightest smiles Spock had ever seen adorn the man's face and Spock felt himself relax under the force of it. Spock could tell that Jim was holding back from kissing Spock on the spot and he was grateful for the thoughtfulness but Spock wasn't looking to keep his decency in tact in that moment and he was far from shy in showing his happiness right then. So, Spock solved the problem for Jim and took the initiative by pulling Jim to him and swooping in to catch his lips in a kiss, Jim had laid his hands on Spock's upper arms and laughed into it as Spock's enthusiasm dipped him back, causing him to hold onto Spock tighter. McCoy had taken the sound of Jim's laughter as a good sign and opened up the doors only to have his eyes nearly fall out of his head when he caught sight of he and Jim wrapped up in each others arms. If he had insisted on becoming involved he should have been well aware of the consequences.

Spock lingered on the memory a moment longer. The memory used to make his heart light and fill him with warmth, now as he recalled it he felt the loss even keener. He looked at the clothes scattered all around him. He studied them one by one as he knelt on the floor and proceeded to refold each item, leaving a few choice pieces out for later consideration. Once he had folded and returned almost every piece of clothing back where they belonged he rose and noted the time. It was past midday and even though he did not feel like eating, even though he hadn't since early yesterday, he knew Jim would disapprove of neglecting himself. So, for that reason alone he made something small to at least sustain him for a little longer.

For the remainder of the day he did very little, spending most of it in deep meditation.

When he finally re-emerged from the depths of his mind, he found days had passed. He hadn't meditated that long or deeply since he had considered returning to Vulcan to purge his emotion. Thankfully, and he'd never admit this to the good doctor, McCoy had intervened just in time to prevent Spock from making possibly the biggest mistake of his life. He sat for awhile basking in the momentary peace meditating brought him before leaving his meditation room.

During those few days Spock had tried to come to terms with losing Jim. Eventually, he would have to move on but why did he have difficulty with accepting that Jim was dead and another question he had turned over and over in his mind was why wasn't he. His survival made no sense, he was on the same level, the only thing separating them was the hatch and yet Jim had been taken and not him. The reality of now having to live on without Jim was an extremely undesirable prospect, he would have rather joined Jim in death than spend another moment in this hollow existence.

Before Spock knew, weeks had passed, the pain still resided lodged deep in his heart but life moved on. Spock still did the bare minimum to keep himself going, sleeping only when he physically couldn't hold out any longer and only eating to abate the hunger pains, he was running on auto-pilot. His work offered leave if he needed it but he had refused needing to throw himself into work to avoid the loneliness at home as much as possible. He'd received messages from most of his old friends, extending their condolences, he was grateful for their words but any offering of help or to visit he had declined. He had also been asked if he would attend Jim's memorial service. He remembered the last service that they had held for Jim on the Enterprise when they had thought he had been lost to a temporal distortion. They had managed to recover Jim in the end and a part of Spock wished they still could.


	5. Chapter 5

Time went by and one night as he was preparing to leave for home, collecting up his work, his computer flashed, an incoming call. He checked the caller ID and he internally groaned.

Leonard McCoy.

He supposed he could not avoid him any longer. He accepted the call.

McCoy's face filled the screen. "Spock. I didn't expect you to pick up."

"Nor I, Doctor, but it would be remiss of me to put off talking to you any longer."

McCoy sighed. "How are you doing Spock?"

Right to the heart of the issue as always. Spock steepled his fingers.

"I am... coping."

McCoy nodded. "It's still hard to believe isn't it." Spock did not answer. McCoy took a moment composing himself. "It's strange but I almost feel that he isn't really gone. He seemed invincible."

Spock suppressed a sigh. "Was there a purpose to your calling?"

McCoy looked indignant. "I've been trying to contact you for weeks to make sure that you're coping alright! I'm starting to think I shouldn't have bothered."

Spock didn't want to have this conversation, about how he was coping, talking about Jim in the past tense, he detested it.

"Perhaps you shouldn't have, Doctor."

"My god man! Does nothing pierce that Vulcan hide? Jim's dead and you don't even seem to want to acknowledge it!" Spock's temper was rising, he had been doing well so far to keep his raging emotions in check. "It's an insult to Jim's memory!"

Spock had heard enough. McCoy knew he had overstepped by the look in Spock's eyes.

"Spock. I- I'm sorry-"

Spock's voice was carefully controlled, the anger tinging his words giving them an edge. "I suggest you mind your own business from now on, Doctor. I will deal with Jim's passing any way I choose. If you are quite finished with lecturing me on how I should grieve my own husband then I shall say goodbye."

"Spock! Wait-"

Spock had cut the call before he had a chance to finish.

How dare he accuse Spock of disrespecting Jim's memory. He had no idea what he was feeling, how he had thought of Jim everyday, still expected to see him waiting for him when he returned home to smile that smile that healed a world of hurt, to hold him in his arms and to feel his touch again. Spock felt his hands shake as his supressed feelings resurged, he took it out on the nearest thing to him. The computer was completely destroyed by the time Spock had finished with it, Spock breathed heavily, his fist still curled tightly. Spock thought he was doing fine until McCoy had called and now he felt his anguish and loneliness as fresh as that day. His eyes welled and he almost let the tears fall but he steeled himself against them, refusing to let his desperate yearning for Jim consume him, it would do him no good, it would never be alleviated. He locked his emotional outburst down and headed straight home and for the first time  _wanting_ to be alone.

Once he got home he discarded his work on the side and went to their bedroom, some of the clothes he had kept to the side of Jim's was still folded on the bed side table, he felt compelled to take one of Jim's shirts now and wear it, he felt the material and as he donned it he noticed the faint smell of Jim still lingering on the article. He stood there in their bedroom, he had not inhabited that room much not being able to find peace laying alone, feeling the empty space beside him keenly. He felt compelled to be their now, he suddenly felt so tired. He lay down, his body feeling heavier than before, his eyes he found he couldn't keep open. Exhaustion took him quickly, he pulled Jim's shirt tighter around himself and he fell into a deep sleep.

*

Spock opened his eyes, sunlight bathing him, he felt as light as a feather. He rose slowly, looking down at himself, he'd slept in his clothes again. He was about to get changed when he heard a noise coming from beyond the bedroom. He cautiously made his way through the apartment in the direction of the noise. It was coming from the kitchen. He was ready to defend himself if necessary. He stopped just short of entering, hearing someone still shuffling inside. He quickly entered, ready to confront whoever had broken into his home. He ended up being frozen to the spot. The person's back was to him but he knew who it was immediately, but that was impossible.

"Jim." Spock's voice uttered faintly. They turned to face him, sure enough Jim's face stared back at him, smiling and warm. Spock was unable to move or speak. Jim carried on what he was doing, puttering around the kitchen, pouring drinks and setting the breakfast down. Spock just followed him with his eyes, the disbelief and relief warring against each other.

"You're up finally. I was about to come and get you." Jim sat down and looked to Spock. He took in his stiff posture and confused expression. "Spock? What's wrong?" Jim speaking his name brought him out of it.

"Ashayam..."

Jim smiled sweetly. "Yes, dear? The extra sleep seems to have made you more sentimental this morning."

Spock was on his knees in front of Jim, looking up into his face in an instant, taking Jim's hands in his own. His eyes searched Jim's. "How can you be here?"

Jim's smile never faltered. "What do you mean, Spock? Are you fully awake yet?" Jim placed a hand on the side of Spock's face, Spock's eyes closed at the contact. "Are you feeling well?"

Spock turned into Jim's touch. "I am unsure." He held Jim's hand fast before he removed it, he looked back into his eyes, wanting this to be real. "Jim... K'diwa, you were-" Spock held Jim's hand tighter. " _Are_ dead. You cannot be here."

Jim didn't seem phased by Spock's statement. "Spock, I'm right here."

Spock shook his head and let Jim's hands slip from his hold. "I'd give anything for that to be so, but it simply cannot." Jim's pleasant expression faltered slightly. "Forgive me. I do not wish for you to dead but the reality-"

Jim stood up, so did Spock. They searched each others eyes, it was difficult for Spock to look into those eyes and deny them. Jim reached for him but he could not allow himself to lose himself to the fantasy. Jim's face fell, his features stony.

"Then you do not love me anymore."

That hit Spock dead center.

"Jim, my love for you is without end. Do not question that."

"You're saying I'm dead but I'm not! I'm right here Spock! Please, let me touch you."

Spock took a step back. "No. I mustn't lose sight of reality."

"Perhaps this would be real if you hadn't left me for dead."

"Jim! I did not leave you, I tried to save you but you were trapped."

"Then how come I'm dead and you're not?"

Spock shook his head. "I do not know but the way I feel without you, I may as well be."

"Why did you leave me back there, Spock? Why didn't you go back for me?"

Spock's brow furrowed. "Go back for you? How? You were pulled out into space. It's impossible for anyone to survive that." Spock allowed himself to place a hand on Jim's face. "Even you."

"You're wrong, Spock. There's something that everyone failed to notice." Spock searched his face. "The storm, it's the key. you have to go back, Spock. You must. Let us be together again."

Spock shook his head helplessly. "I do not understand, Jim."

Jim took his face in both hands. "Do you love me?"

"Unequivocally."

"Then don't delay further. Go back." He smiled again and captured Spock's lips in a kiss. "I'll be waiting."

Spock woke with a start. He was breathing heavily and his heart was racing. A dream? But Vulcan's did not dream. Jim's words echoed in his mind. _"The storm is the key... Go back... I'll be_ _waiting."_ Spock's mind raced. The storm? What could that have to do with anything? He would endeavour to find out lest he miss the one chance that may return Jim to him. How he would manage it was another story.


	6. Chapter 6

A few more weeks passed and Spock had dedicated every waking hour to gathering as much information on the distortion as possible and thankfully nobody questioned his sudden interest in the phenomena, they had all put it down to Spock trying to come to terms with Kirk's death. None suspected Spock of trying to understand it's origins and planning to plot a course there again.

Spock sat now at his computer at home, searching through all the data that had been collected by the Enterprise and subsequent research missions since then. The same answer arose time and time again, it was a completely new type of anomaly but the findings were sparse. More research would be needed. Unfortunately, Spock could not make sense of the readings, the energy markers were off the scale and the strange force that had been detected in the middle of the energy field could not be properly identified because no one could get close enough to get a proper reading.

Spock was no closer to finding anything significant about what had caused the disturbance or if it held any hope for Jim's survival. Perhaps the strain of having the bond ripped away so forcefully had made him delusional. He folded his hands in front of him and leant his forehead against them. He had met a dead end but his dreams gave him reason to believe that Jim was out there somewhere. He owed it to his bond mate to know once and for all. He placed another card with data in the computer and studied it's contents, determined to read through every piece of information, he must exhaust every option.

*

A few days later he had gone through everything at his disposal and nothing helped. He himself was running on empty. He was about to rest for a short time before refocusing his efforts when the door bell chimed. He wasn't expecting anyone.

He went to the door, turning on the comm unit. "Who is it?"

A pause.

"Spock. It's me. Can I come in?" It was Leonard McCoy.

Spock was hesitant a moment. They had parted on less than civil terms. He knew the doctor would be feeling terrible about the words they had exchanged. He too regretted the way things had been left. He opened the door, revealing McCoy's hesitant but pleasantly surprised face.

"Doctor." Spock greeted him as he gestured for him to enter. McCoy stepped in, self consciously holding his hands behind his back.

"Thank you." They stood awkwardly together until McCoy couldn't stand it any longer. "Listen, Spock. I want to apologise. What I said before, I shouldn't have-"

Spock held up a hand to pause McCoy's explanation. "There is no need. We both said things that I'm sure we both regret."

McCoy nodded. "Yes. But I shouldn't have accused you of disrespecting Jim's memory. I know you loved him more than anything. I guess it was the grief talking. You may have lost your bond mate but I lost my best friend too Spock. He meant a great deal to me, I can understand the way you defended yourself. Truce?"

Spock inclined his head. "Truce, Doctor."

McCoy smiled and relaxed somewhat. "So, what have you been doing with yourself?" McCoy then took in the pallor of Spock's skin and tired eyes, McCoy almost felt disturbed at seeing Spock anything other than perfectly put together. "You look terrible."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Why, thank you, McCoy. Have you been practicing your bed side manner since we last spoke?"

McCoy sighed. "I'm sorry but you are looking a little worst for wear. Are you eating and sleeping alright?"

"Quite sufficiently, Doctor." Spock lied.

"Liar."

Spock did not intend to dispute the point, he had other more important things to attend to then whether he was sleeping or eating properly.

"I am quite capable of looking after myself. I have other pressing matters that require my attention for the time being."

McCoy wanted to push but knew Spock was stubborn and he intended for the time to keep a close eye on Spock, he owed it to his friendship with both Jim and Spock to be here for him now. He looked around and noticed the scattered data cards surrounding the computer.

"Been busy?"

Spock moved over and started collecting them up. "Yes. I have been researching."

"Oh? Something for work?"

Spock played with one card. "It is more of a personal curiosity."

"You seem to have done quite a bit. What's the subject of interest?"

"The energy distortion that appeared several weeks ago."

It took McCoy a second to process. "You mean the one that killed Jim?"

"Precisely."

"Why? Why do that to yourself?"

"I would not expect you to understand my motives, Doctor McCoy."

"Oh yeah? Try me."

Spock exhaled audibly.

""You will not find my reasoning's hold much logic."

"I'm all ears, Spock. However illogical it sounds."

Spock supposed having another's opinion would help and he trusted the doctor's significantly. So, Spock downloaded the last few weeks to McCoy. His dream and what he was ultimately trying to achieve. McCoy was silent a moment after Spock had finished.

"Well, that's one heck of a dream Spock. But don't you think it's just your grief, your... missing Jim that's expressing itself, not a message that Jim's alive?"

Spock laced his fingers as he straightened in his seat at the kitchen table, where they had migrated to talk.

"I had taken that into account, but I am certain that there is some greater meaning to it."

"Spock, I want Jim to be alive too but it's impossible he would have survived."

"I did, Doctor."

"True. And no offense Spock but from what I've heard that should be impossible too."

Spock nodded. "Quite right. There is something about that anomaly that holds some greater significance. Whether it has anything to do with Jim or not I cannot tell. I must find out for certain though."

McCoy didn't like the idea or even think it was particularly healthy but would help Spock if he could.

"Alright, Spock. If it'll help clear your conscience, I'll assist you any way I can."

"Thank you."

McCoy stayed for a little while longer then when it was starting to get late he took his leave, adding before he left that he would see if he could dig up any more information to bring him tomorrow. Spock thanked him and walked him out, almost collapsing as the door closed. He would take his rest now and hope that McCoy would have something tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

McCoy went straight to Spock's who had just made it home himself. McCoy seemed excited as he burst in the door.

"Spock! You won't believe what I managed to find out today."

Spock gave the doctor a derisive look.

"Don't give me that look Spock, I'm telling you you're not going to believe your luck."

"Well then, Doctor?"

McCoy rubbed his hands together and paced a little.

"I just so happened to be talking to a medical student who is about to be a fully fledged doctor on the Enterprise which will be captained by a man called Gelt."

"Yes, I know him."

"Well, wouldn't you know as we conversed they happened to mention that their course just so happens to be taking them right past where the accident happened."

Spock was interested now. "Are you quite sure?"

"Oh yes. They'll be shipping out at the end of the month."

Spock processed the new information, this could be his chance but how could he gain passage?

"The only problem is that neither of us are part of the crew anymore." McCoy said.

Spock nodded.

"I was just contemplating that problem myself."

Spock sat down at the desk. McCoy relaxed his shoulders as they now faced their new hurdle. What plausible reason could they provide to convince anyone to let them on board. Spock then had an idea. His research had often times contracted a lot of attention and he had been offered the opportunity to extend his knowledge of certain subjects, he'd declined most of the time, knowing some offers would take him far away and for some time and though Jim supported him to take some of them, Spock felt no desire to go searching the stars alone. He looked up at McCoy as his idea solidified.

"McCoy, I believe I may be able to suggest a solution."

McCoy perked up. "What Spock?"

"I believe under the rights of discovery I would be granted passage if I have a valid reason. I wrote a dissertation on the anomalies and temporal disturbances similar to the one we encountered long ago as well as the tholians. I never had the chance to finish in detail but I think I could persuade the university to fit me in on the ship on the grounds of my experience. They have offered me many times to go on similar ventures. They would be unlikely to refuse me."

"Well, that's great. I'm sensing a 'but' though."

"My... connection to the anomaly may mar my chances of getting approval."

McCoy sighed. "They might. But you may as well try Spock."

"I will. I must make them believe my interests are purely scientific."

"How long will it take for assignment? Will you have time?"

"I shouldn't have to wait long if I put in my request now."

McCoy laid a hand on his shoulder. "Well, good luck Spock."

"Thank you, McCoy. I may need it."

*

Spock placed his request to be allowed to join the ships crew on it's expedition and didn't have to wait long before he got an answer, accepting and assigning him to the Enterprise.

"Well aren't you popular." McCoy said as he looked at the enthusiastic response.

"Most fortunate. I should gather together every piece of data I have on distortions we've encountered over the years."

"I should get sorted myself. There's not long to go."

"You McCoy?"

"Yep." McCoy winked. "Just so happens they need an experienced senior medical officer aboard and well, I was available." He shrugged.

Spock felt great gratitude towards McCoy, his theory of Jim possibly still being alive he realised sounded delusional and like he wasn't ready to accept what had happened but something deep down told him that Jim's disappearance wasn't all it seemed.

"I'm glad you will be there too. Your presence will be most reassuring." McCoy seemed surprised but touched. The moment of companionly solidarity hung between them a moment before McCoy cleared his throat.

"Well, I'll see you on the Enterprise, Spock. I hope you get an answer, one way or the other."

Spock tilted his head. "Thank you, my friend."

McCoy nodded, smiling and turned to leave before he gave the Vulcan a hug.

*

The end of the month arrived and McCoy suddenly felt very nervous, he wondered if Spock felt the same, he looked at him, a perfect image of calm. Well, if he did he was very good at hiding it. They were waiting for the shuttle that would take them to the ship. McCoy turned to Spock as they waited.

"Have they said anything else to you since you got accepted? Did they ask any questions?"

Spock faced McCoy. "They have not contacted me further. There was no reason to, my research into energy distortions is invaluable."

"Maybe so, but they didn't question your motives?"

"You are referring to my personal experience with the anomaly? No, they did not."

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "I suppose they wouldn't out of fear of seeming insensitive, so you've got that going for you."

Spock turned back to watch for the shuttle. "Indeed."

*

Thankfully, after the initial welcome they received once they were on board and the attention that they attracted the first couple of days, had settled and they were as much a part of the crew as anyone else and they were left alone to do their respective work.

As they approached the site, Spock's readings became more and more reactive, energy detection became stronger and from what he had read from others limited findings the read outs were extremely similar to that day. There was still nothing of significance that correlated to his theory. He would have to get a lot closer to get anything conclusive. That would prove difficult too, the ship would no doubt keep a healthy distance and he would not be able to get as close as he would need to without being accused of coming on this ship for nothing more than a suicide mission, unless he had something to warrant such proximity, he hoped his readings would show something soon. They would be there soon and would not stay long. He didn't have much time.

*

McCoy joined him in the recreation room, looking exhausted.

"Tired, Doctor?"

McCoy rubbed at his shoulder. "You can say that again. These newbies are asking so many questions, I'm gonna run out of answers."

"They are no doubt interested in your opinion due to your experience."

"Flattering but you'd think they'd get bored sooner or later."

Spock only answered with a quick eye brow raise.

"Anyway, how's it going on your end?"

Spock openly sighed. "I am no further in my findings. Unless something drastic changes in the readings I'll have nothing of worth to validate my venture into the storm."

McCoy dropped his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Spock."

"There is no need to be. We still have time."

McCoy gave a small smile and patted Spock's arm before excusing himself leaving Spock to sit and think some more.

*

They were eight hours away from the site and Spock was going through every piece of data he had collected and that had already been submitted, his and theirs were practically the same. He was losing hope. 

He was about to scan yet again, not expecting to find anything different, but his gut feeling would not allow him to give up just yet. It was looking like nothing would change when he had a thought. He thought of something he had not considered to scan for and as he went through the other research it seemed that no one else had either.

When Jim had been trapped in that temporal flux, he had fazed in and out of existence, into what had been concluded as another universe. Perhaps something similar had happened here. It was his last chance. He scanned for readings of tears in reality, flux's in the fabric of space. He held his breath as the computer scanned and almost made a human outburst of relief when it produced positive results indicating what looked to be a portal. To what he didn't know but all he had to do now was gather as much data as possible as they got closer and hope that when he presented it to the captain he'd be permitted to inspect further, if not, well if he had enough evidence he'd find a way to go anyway. He'd steal a shuttle if he had to, he'd deal with the fall out when he got back, if he got back.

*

He found the captain on his way to the rec room and took the opportunity to present his findings in an attempt to get a chance to make further observations.

"Captain. May I have a moment."

Captain Gelt turned to face Spock. They hadn't really interacted or really crossed paths, Spock had kept himself mainly to the labs.

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"I believe I have made some head way on the anomaly, it's readings are very similar to a temporal flux I have encountered before." 

"Excellent. So you know what it is."

"Not exactly. I can tell you what it is like but not what it is for certain. But my readings did show something that would suggest something very akin to a rip in space."

Gelt's eyebrows raised. "Rip in space?"

"Yes, but it will require a more thorough examination. My readings indicate a massive energy output in the middle of the disturbance. I believe I will be able to find the source of the flux and with the full data on it, I shall be able to close the tear."

Gelt listened to the facts.

"Are you suggesting that you would travel into the storm to get your data?"

"Precisely."

"Out of the question. Many tests have been run on the storm and at a certain proximity our equipment has stopped working. You know what happened last time we got too close."

Spock straightened his shoulders. Gelt lowered his eyes.

"I'm sorry. But you know I can't risk that again."

"Captain, with all due respect if this tear is left alone it exposes the danger of it becoming bigger and eventually becoming impossible to control. If I do not attempt to fix the problem now it may be too late."

Gelt pursed his lips as he weighed the options.

"If you go and we lose you, we'll be losing an invaluable mind. But if you're right..."

"This has the very real possibility of getting out of hand, Captain. We either try and stop it now or we let it get worse and we lose a lot more."

"Show me your data. I want to be sure there's no other option before I let you do something so dangerous."

"Very well, Captain." Spock had been prepared to go even if he wasn't granted permission but he would prefer to get the captain on board. If his readings were correct it wasn't just his own interests at stake any more. This was a matter of saving a lot more than Jim's life.


	8. Chapter 8

Spock showed Captain Gelt every piece of information he had and even Gelt who didn't have half the knowledge on such phenomena could see their dilemma. He was stuck with a major decision, to send someone like Spock into a perilous situation and if Spock should die it would be his responsibility. It looked like he had little choice though.

"Alright, with the facts it doesn't look like there are any other options open to us. But if you go you do know that we will be unable to bring you back. You'll have to do that yourself, if you can."

"I understand the risks. It is our only hope if we are to stop any future tragedies."

"Very well, we'll give you anything you need."

"Thank you, Captain."

After Spock obtained the permission he needed he went to tell McCoy of his departure. He found him in medical bay.

"McCoy, I must speak with you."

"What's the matter Spock?"

"I have persuaded Captain Gelt to let me venture into the electrical storm."

"You did, huh?" McCoy almost sounded disappointed.

"Something wrong?" Spock inquired.

McCoy sighed. "Maybe. It's just I didn't think he'd let you do it and if I'm honest I was kinda hoping he wouldn't agree to it."

Spock looked confused. "Why? You knew what my intentions were."

"I know, Spock. But what if you're wrong? You'll die too and I don't think I can lose another friend again so soon."

Spock looked down. "I'm sorry, McCoy. This is something I must do."

McCoy nodded, solemnly. "I know. That's why I've decided I'm coming with you."

Spock stared at him. "I can't allow you to do that. If I am wrong, I may not make it back. There's no sense in us both dying."

"Jim was my friend too. And if it was Jim here instead of you I'd do the same. Come on, Spock, has there ever been any sense in going things alone?"

Spock was grateful for McCoy's offer but to gamble his life as well?

"Doctor, I appreciate-"

"I'm not asking Spock!"

"I only got permission to risk my life."

"I don't need the captain's permission either. It's my decision and I'm going."

Spock quirked an eyebrow. "It would seem pointless to argue with you."

"That's the most sensible thing you've said, Mr. Spock. Now when do we leave?"

Spock relented. "Four hours. We shall be close enough to use the shuttles, if they can take the strain."

"Don't try and dissuade me, Spock."

"I wouldn't dare."

*

The shuttle was loaded with all the relevant equipment.

Captain Gelt came to see them off.

"I wish you luck, Gentlemen." He turned to McCoy. "I would prefer if you would stay, Doctor."

"I've made up my mind, Captain. You'll have to put me in the brig if you want to stop me."

"I'm tempted, Doctor, but I won't. I do wish you'd reconsider though."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

Captain Gelt nodded. "I understand." He held out his hand to McCoy and offered Spock a nod. "Good luck."

*

The ride was bumpy putting it mildly, the shuttle shook and rattled as they got closer to the storm. McCoy was gripping his seat.

"If this thing does make it, my wits won't!"

Spock was busy reading the scanner. The energy was starting to distort the scanner and he knew they were nearly at the point.

"Spock, what exactly do you plan on doing once we get close enough?"

"A bit late to be asking questions, Doctor. But my plan is to find the centre."

"Alright, what then?"

"We will see what is on the other side."

McCoy swallowed. "You were right. Too late to start asking questions."

As they ventured beyond the point of no return, the shuttle was thrown around violently. Spock stayed glued to the scanner as they grew closer to the gap. "Hold on! We'll be entering any moment!"

McCoy was now gripping the chairs arm from the floor where he had been flung. "Spock! Sit down!"

Spock ignored him, staying put. "Thirty seconds to entry!"

The shuttle's computer started to spark and blow up, throwing Spock clear.

"We're going to be torn apart!"

Spock pushed himself up. "Twenty seconds!"

The engines had cut out but the pull from the tear was pulling them in anyway.

"Ten seconds!"

McCoy closed his eyes as they were drawn in closer. The shuttle shook one last time, knocking them both unconscious. Before Spock blacked out he thought he heard Jim's voice echo in his mind.

_Spock, I'm right here waiting._

Spock lost to the darkness and the shuttle disappeared through the rift.

*  
The shuttle drifted, seemingly dead, through the portal being carried by energy waves. Colours of blue and pink, flashing like lightning as they passed through, one wave bumped the shuttle harder than the others jolting the passengers inside.

_Spock... Spock... Spock!_

Spock's eyes snapped open, his head was pounding and his vision swam in and out of focus. McCoy lay next to him still unconscious. He checked McCoy's state and deemed him just knocked out, he steadily got up to check their position. The scanner's readings were erratic and completely different from before. They had entered the gap in space, where were they though? He turned on the screen. Flashes of light, gas clouds and the atmosphere surrounding them was a multitude of colours, but there was nothing distinctive. They must be in the very centre of the anomaly. McCoy groaned, Spock turned to help him up.

"Are you alright?" Spock asked.

McCoy held a hand to his head. "Shaken up pretty good but otherwise fine. What happened Spock?"

"I believe we are on the other side."

A energy ribbon surged and catapulted the shuttle into a huge, glowing orb. They were instantly flung backwards, light flooding the craft, blinding them.

"What's going on!?" McCoy shouted as he covered his eyes.

Spock tried to scramble to the controls only to have them completely die.

"It would seem that we are at the mercy of the storm!"

If McCoy had the time for a sarcastic comment he'd have made one but before he could even think of one they were once again thrown into unconsciousness.

Spock awoke, his eyes instantly irritated by the smoke surrounding him, he coughed as he sat up, waving a hand to try and clear it and reaching for McCoy. He shook him to try and rouse him.

"McCoy! McCoy!" He coughed again. "Bones!"

McCoy moved but did not fully come round. Spock checked the control panel. Definitely dead. He checked the screen and almost couldn't believe what he saw. Sky, clear and blue, trees, a whole forest laid out beyond as far as the eye could see. Was he seeing things? The smoke was building up again inside the craft, he had to open the shuttle doors, did he dare? There was the possibility that there was no breathable air, but their emergency life support wouldn't last long so either way they'd be dead soon . Unfortunately, their sensor equipment was damaged so he couldn't scan the components of the atmosphere. He had to take the chance. He pressed the button and the doors opened. Air rushed in. Fresh, breathable air. The smoke cleared and McCoy finally became fully conscious.

"Are we alive?"

Spock looked out at the very Earth looking scene before him.

"It would seem so."

McCoy stood next to Spock and looked out too. "Where are we?"

"I do not know."

McCoy looked around, stunned. "Looks like you were right, Spock."

"We still have yet to discern whether this is what happened to Jim, he may not have survived the journey."

"Alright, well let's get looking." McCoy went to step out but Spock put out an arm to hold him back. "Well, come on Spock!"

"We must be cautious. I shall go first."

The ground felt solid and real enough under his feet, the air filled his lungs like that on Earth and the sky shared the same hue of blue. They ventured further away from the shuttle, taking in the remarkable similarities to Earth. The plant life seemed to be exactly the same, Spock could even hear bird song. The forest was bright and thick, the sun trickling through the gaps in it's foliage. Spock and McCoy followed the dirt path, fascinated by their familiar surroundings.

Soon, their dirt path started to turn sandy. McCoy noticed first as he looked down when the ground started to give way a little underfoot. He placed a hand on Spock's arm to halt him. "Spock. Look." He pointed to the ground. Spock crouched down and took a handful of the red sand, letting it sieve through his fingers. This was awfully similar to the sands of Vulcan. A hot breeze washed over them, seemingly out of nowhere. Spock looked in the direction it came from. He started that way, McCoy following him.

"What is it, Spock?"

Spock said nothing as he ventured down the path, the trees thinning until they reached the edges of the forest which immediately transitioned into a vast and hot desert. McCoy looked in disbelief.

"What in the world? Where are we?"

Spock looked to the sky, recognised the sunset hue.

"It is Vulcan."

McCoy looked at him incredulously.

"How can that be Spock? I'm pretty sure that Vulcan doesn't have a fully flourished forest bordering it's deserts."

"You're right, it does not. It is most-"

A roar echoed across the dunes. Spock and McCoy looked around for the source of it.

"What was that?" McCoy asked nervously. Spock listened out, he knew that sound. Something could be seen on the horizon, coming their way, and fast. McCoy took a step back. "What is that?" Spock took a step forward, McCoy grabbed his arm. "What are you doing?"

"I am taking a closer look." The creature was growing closer and larger.

"Are you insane? Let's get out of here!"

"Really, Doctor. There is no reason to-" The creature had caught up to them faster than they had anticipated, it knocked Spock off his feet.

"Spock!" McCoy shouted as the creature pinned Spock to the ground. McCoy tried to find something to beat the huge, furry beast off of Spock.

"McCoy, it is quite alright."

The creature started to sniff and lick Spock's face.

"It's attacking you!"

"Doctor, calm yourself. This is a sehlat. Quite harmless."

"A sehlat? You mean this is what you had as a pet? It's like a bear mixed with a sabre tooth tiger!"

Spock picked himself up and laid a hand on the sehlat's head. "So it is you. I-Chaya." The sehlat made a noise similar to a purr, nuzzling into Spock's hand.

"Spock, you know this creature?"

"He is the same sehlat that I grew up with."

"How can that be?"

Spock looked at I-Chaya who was happily panting looking at him expectantly. "It is possible this places principles are similar to others we have visited where our thoughts are turned into reality."

"That hasn't exactly worked in our favour before."

"You are right. We must be careful." He petted I-Chaya. "Not everything may be as welcome."

McCoy side eyed Spock. "Hardly a teddy bear." He muttered under his breath.

"What was that, McCoy?"

"Oh, nothing." McCoy looked at the sehlat than around him. "So, what now?"

"We continue to look for Jim.

"Let's say we do find Jim. How do we get back once we do?"

"I do not know."

McCoy sighed. "So we could be stuck here?"

"It is possible. There is another problem."

"Oh good."

"The portal must be closed either way, it is still a danger to those in our universe."

"How are we going to do that?"

"You ask questions I do not have the answers to."

"Well let's at the least find out if Jim is here."

"My thoughts exactly."

"I don't think we're going to find him in the Vulcan desert. We should go back."

"Logical. The Earth like surroundings when we arrived suggests Jim would most likely be that way."

I-Chaya nudged his arm, a curious look in his eyes.

"We are searching for my bond mate I-Chaya. Have you seen anyone else here?"

I-Chaya cocked his head to the side, tail wagging.

"I'd take that as a no." McCoy said.

Spock nodded. "Yes, so would I. Come I-Chaya." Spock walked back into the forest, I-Chaya trotting happily behind him. McCoy shook his head at the sight.

"Only a Vulcan would consider that a teddy bear." He followed after Spock and saw I-Chaya waiting for him, he cautiously held out a hand to pet him, he ended up getting a slobbery hand as I-Chaya licked it and hurried off after Spock. "Thanks a lot." McCoy called after him, he grimaced as he wiped his hand off on his trouser leg.

They emerged from the other side of the forest again into an open grassy area. Across the way were fields, tall and golden. McCoy whistled as he saw them.

"That's some mighty fine agriculture."

Just visible over the acres of field, a silhouette of a house could be seen.

"Spock, look over there."

"I see it."

Spock and McCoy headed towards the house, pushing through the wheat and sunflowers. I-Chaya sneezed as he sniffed one, he was trampling a lot of the wheat, flattening it behind him.

"I-Chaya, go around and meet us on the other side."

I-Chaya whined but complied. McCoy watched him go.

The sky had started to turn evening colours by the time they reached the edge of the fields. McCoy was bent in half.

"I thought we'd never get out of there. It never ends!"

Spock looked down at him. "It obviously does, Doctor."

"You know what I mean!" McCoy said irritably.

I-Chaya was asleep just ahead of them, McCoys complaining must have awoken him, his ears twitched as he opened his eyes and yawned, exposing his long, protruding teeth. Spock walked closer, looking to the house, which turned out to be more of a ranch, not too much farther ahead.

Jim had always held his memories of living on his father's ranch with great fondness and had expressed wanting to have one of his own one day. Spock looked over it now, Jim's desire to have one must have been created for him. He was almost hesitant to get closer though, lest it be an illusion. McCoy came up beside him.

"Do you think he's in there?"

"It is possible."

McCoy nudged him with his shoulder. "Go and see then."

Spock walked up the dirt trail that lead past the corral and to the porch of the house. He slowly took the steps up to the front door, he lifted his hand to push it open when I-Chaya suddenly raced around the back.

"Hey!" McCoy called after him. "Spock, where's he going?"

Spock came back, chasing after him. "I-Chaya!" Spock followed him around the back of the house and stopped dead when he saw what had made I-Chaya bolt this way. I-Chaya was currently squashing and excitedly sniffing a very surprised Jim.

"What the-! Stop!"

I-Chaya ignored Jim's protests, looking over his shoulder to look at Spock, seeking approval for finding him. Spock called I-Chaya back. Jim wiped at his face and sat up. He and Spock locked eyes.

"Spock!" Jim got up and hurried over to him. "Where have you been?"

Spock's eyes flicked over Jim's features taking in his very alive condition. "Jim..." He couldn't believe that Jim had actually survived. "It should be impossible..."

Jim smiled, taking Spock's hand. "Should it?"

"Jim!" McCoy interrupted the moment, hurrying over and grabbing Jim's shoulders. "You're alive! I don't believe it!"

"Bones! You're here too!" Jim clapped McCoy on the shoulder. "It's good to see you both."

"Jim, what happened? When the hull collapsed, what do you remember?"

Jim scratched his head. "I'm not sure. I don't remember anything."

"What about when you got here?"

"I don't know, Bones. It's like I just woke up here."

Spock said nothing as he studied Jim.

Jim looked between them. "What's wrong?"

"Well, Jim... I don't know how to say this..." McCoy rubbed at the back of his neck.

"You have been gone for some time, Jim. You must remember the time you've spent here." Spock said.

Jim shook his head. "No, I don't. Does it really matter though?"

"I guess not." McCoy looked to Spock, noticing his lack of what should have been relief and joy at finding Jim, strangely, he found himself lacking in those emotions too.

Jim seemed to be oblivious. "Exactly. Come on, let me show you around." I-Chaya wagged his tail, pushing at Jim's arm. "What's this? I've never seen anything like you before." He scratched behind his ears and went inside, McCoy made to follow but turned around when Spock didn't.

"What's the matter?"

Spock's brow furrowed. "I can't say. I should be happy that Jim is alive, but something doesn't feel right." Spock touched his temple. "The bond is still broken."

McCoy stepped back down next to Spock. "Perhaps you just need to re-establish it, Spock."

Spock looked where Jim had gone inside. "Perhaps, Doctor, perhaps."

They followed Jim inside to find him in the kitchen, making drinks while I-Chaya sat watching him.

Spock entered.

"Spock. Do you want some tea?"

Spock stood beside Jim, taking his hand. "I have missed you, T'hy'la."

Jim smiled softly. "We're together now."

Spock thought that Jim's smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but he had been through a lot, perhaps Jim just needed time. Jim went back to making tea, McCoy watched the interaction from the doorway, feeling concerned, Jim didn't seem to be all that worried that he'd been stuck in a pocket of space which was possibly inescapable. He also seemed to be not as enthusiastic to be reunited with them either. Spock was right, something was off.

They drank the tea and tried to ask Jim more questions but his answers were very vague and he seemed to evade some questions completely. Maybe the transition from their universe to this one had effected him more than they realised. Spock let Jim get up and take the tea away, McCoy took the opportunity to talk to Spock.

"Spock." McCoy whispered as he looked over his shoulder to make sure Jim couldn't hear. "I think you're right, there's something strange going on with Jim."

"I must, reluctantly, agree with you. The trauma may have been too much, he may have unknowingly erased the tragedy."

McCoy nodded. "It's possible." He looked up when Jim returned.

"It's got dark outside quite quickly now hasn't it? I hadn't realised it had gotten so late. I was hoping to show you around the ranch."

McCoy looked between Spock and Jim. "There's tomorrow, Jim."

"You're right. Hey, Bones, come on I'll show you your room."

McCoy got up to follow Jim but held back to quickly say one last thing to Spock.

"We'll talk to him more tomorrow. Don't worry Spock." He bid Spock goodnight and went after Jim.

Jim came back several minutes later to find Spock still sitting where he left him. "Spock? Aren't you coming?"

Spock who had been sitting, hands folded and head bowed, contemplating what their next course of action should be, looked over his shoulder. He stood to face Jim. "Yes, Jim."

Jim held out his hand for Spock to take and Spock did but he did not feel that familiar warmth and feeling like electricity when their fingers touched. Had the journey through the anomaly damaged their bond permanently? Spock feared this but would not jump to conclusions just yet. He let Jim lead him to his bedroom.

The room was classic and rustic, very similar to what Jim had grown up in. I-Chaya had followed them up and had curled up at the foot of the bed. Jim watched the huge beast spin on the spot several times like a dog and then curl up like a cat. "A very strange creature you have there Spock. Wherever did you find it?"

Spock looked at Jim curiously. "You do not know what I-Chaya is?"

"Should I?"

Spock stood in front of Jim and searched his eyes. "Jim, you-" He stopped himself.

"What is it, Spock?"

He shook his head. "It does not matter now, Jim."

He and Jim settled into bed and as Spock held Jim in his arms he couldn't help feeling as if Jim was still missing, illogical seeing as he was right here but then why did Spock still feel so empty inside? **  
**


	9. Chapter 9

McCoy woke early, coming down the stairs to find Spock awake too.

"Where's Jim?"

"Still sleeping."

McCoy nodded as he looked for some coffee.

"So, what are we going to do?"

Spock looked down at his cup of tea. "We must leave here."

"You mean try and go home now?"

"No, we must keep searching for Jim."

McCoy looked at Spock confused. "What are you talking about? We've found him."

"No, McCoy. It is not him."

McCoy sat next to Spock. "What in the blue blazes are you getting at?"

"I... have a theory."

"Well, out with it Spock."

"Jim, the Jim that is upstairs, is a figment of my imagination."

"What?"

"The same as I-Chaya, he is not real. My want to find Jim has obviously been manufactured for me."

"How can you tell that Jim isn't real though, Spock? How can you be sure?"

"He did not recognise I-Chaya for one thing. When one bonds with another you share thoughts, feelings, even memories. He knows of my childhood, we had talked about it on more than one occasion and decided to show each other some of our more cherished memories, one of mine was my time with I-Chaya. When I-Chaya found him yesterday Jim showed no signs of recognition at all. He didn't even know of what species I-Chaya was."

McCoy sighed. "Oh." McCoy thought for a second. "Is that all though? Like we said Spock the trauma could have messed with him."

"I should feel the bond between us, even if it had been broken, it should be trying to repair itself in the presence of the lost bond mate. I can feel the bond make no such attempt, even when I search for it."

McCoy swore under his breath. "What do we do then Spock?"

"We must keep searching."

McCoy nodded. "Alright. But what about Jim? What will happen to him?"

"He should disappear when we leave. He is after all just an illusion."

"If you're sure Spock."

"Yes, if you're sure."

McCoy and Spock looked up in surprise as Jim's voice cut through their conversation. His face wore more emotion than they'd seen since they arrived, he looked hurt.

"Jim..." Spock stood to address him.

"I thought I wasn't Jim."

McCoy looked down. "Listen, Jim, you don't understand-"

"Obviously not. How am I not real?" He stood in front of Spock and grabbed both his arms. "Doesn't that feel real?"

McCoy made to say something else but Spock looked at him.

"McCoy, would you wait outside."

McCoy looked hesitant.

"Please."

"Alright, Spock."

Once McCoy had left Spock turned his attention back to Jim. "It will be hard for you to understand what we are saying, Jim. For you this is real."

"What are you talking about? I'm Jim, your Jim. I promise Spock."

"I wish I could believe that Jim."

"I'll make you believe it. Ask me anything!"

"Jim... you do not-"

"Come on, Spock! If it's proof you want."

"I-Chaya."

"What?"

"You did not know who I-Chaya was."

"So? Is that all you've got? I didn't remember your pet?"

"No. Jim, the bond."

"What about it?"

"Do you sense it?"

Jim paused for a second. "I-I-"

Spock stepped closer to him, gently placing his fingers on Jim's temple. "Jim, do you remember anything before or after the accident? Or do your memories only start and begin here?"

Jim began to panic. "What- Spock- I'm real. I am!"

Spock felt something then. Heartbreak. Again.

"No Jim."

Jim seemed desperate for Spock to believe him. "How can I prove to you that I'm real?"

Spock shook his head sadly. "You can't."

Jim stood there, dejected, as Spock moved past him and went to join McCoy outside.

McCoy turned around when he heard the door open and close. He met Spock half way.

"How did it go?"

"About as well as expected."

"I'm sorry, Spock."

"As am I."

McCoy looked back at the house then at Spock. "Where should we go now?"

"We must continue forward if we are to find Jim."

Spock and McCoy walked away from the house, I-Chaya who had been asleep noticed that they had left without him and chased after them. He whined as he caught up to Spock, looking a little sad that Spock had forgotten to take him too.

"I-Chaya, my old friend. Shall we go?"

I-Chaya wagged his tail and walked in step with Spock as they carried on. The house had become small in the distance and Spock looked back, gazing upon it once more before leaving it behind. As he was about to turn away he saw something coming closer, a figure that he recognised once they got close enough.

"Jim?"

"I'm coming with you."

"Jim, please-"

"Alright, Spock, let's say you're right, I'm not real, but for arguments sake let's say you're also wrong. Let me come with you and if you do turn out to be right I'll go without another word. Please, Spock."

Spock relented. "If that is what you wish, Jim." It would seem he could not deny Jim anything, illusion or not.

McCoy seemed surprised that Jim had joined them again but he said nothing.

They traveled some time in silence, Jim for the most part let Spock and McCoy walk ahead of him, they had come here together and they seemed to be in agreement that he wasn't real. Maybe he wasn't, he was starting to doubt himself, he tried to rack his brain to find a memory before this place but he couldn't, was what Spock said true?

They travelled for quite some time and even though Spock was careful in his thoughts and kept a constant block in place so that nothing here would be influenced by his own, he knew that some things would be conjured from McCoy's.

For the most part they saw nothing more than forest, Spock would find it almost picturesque if the circumstances were different and if they weren't in a completely manufactured reality, he'd also feel more at ease if Jim were here, which he was technically but having known Jim for so long in body, soul and mind not having that link between them was like a missing limb and not being able to find that connection with the Jim with them currently proved that this Jim was nothing more than Spock's wishful thinking. It was hard to reject him still, he hated to see the look of hurt and disappointment on Jim's face and he couldn't wait to find the real Jim so that he could put that to rights.

The day had started to come to an end and it seemed they hadn't made any headway, how long did this forest go on for? Was the fact that they were trying not to think of anything have anything to do with it? Was it because they weren't offering anything new to manifest, so the same things were just being repeated?

McCoy looked around at the endless forest surrounding them.

"This is ridiculous Spock! We've been travelling all day and I don't see a way out of here!"

Spock looked around, thick forest laying out seemingly never ending in every direction. He looked at McCoy who looked exhausted and then to Jim who was also surveying the area, hands on his hips. Spock saw an area that was rather nicely sheltered, he noticed that a substantial pile of leaves had accumulated which would suffice for a place to sleep until they had enough light to continue again.

"We shall stay here for tonight and carry on our efforts tomorrow."

McCoy looked at the pile of leaves and back to Spock.

"You can't be seriously suggesting we just curl up on the floor to sleep? We don't know what's in this forest."

"Just don't think of anything you wouldn't like to bump into then, Bones." Jim said.

"What if our dreams are considered thoughts and we have a nightmare about a giant monster that eats us or maybe one of the creatures that we've encountered over the years that have nearly killed us. What about that?"

"Then I suggest you do not sleep, Leonard in case of that possibility." Spock turned away from McCoy and settled himself onto the pile of leaves, I-Chaya curling around him. Jim watched as Spock got comfortable, he wanted to join

Spock but figured he'd be unwelcome so he lay down, propping himself up against the tree, McCoy took advantage of the large and warm pillow that was I-Chaya and leant up against him, which I-Chaya didn't mind at all. Spock had noticed Jim's hesitance, watched from the corner of his eye as Jim decided to put some space between them.

"It's cold, Jim."

Jim pulled his jacket tighter around himself and turned away.

"Illusions don't get cold."

Spock exhaled.

"Jim. Come here."

Jim stubbornly stayed out until he felt a chill run through him. He dropped his shoulders and relented, getting up and placing himself next to Spock. McCoy who was turned the other way, buried in I-Chaya's fur, cracked an eye open to spy on them both. Jim wrapped his arms around himself and made sure to leave some space between him and Spock. Spock watched him settle and close his eyes, then, hands folded in front if him, he closed his eyes to sleep too. McCoy rolled his eyes before turning his back fully on them.


	10. Chapter 10

Morning came and they were all stiffer from their little camp out. McCoy obviously had it the worst if his vocalisation of his condition was anything to go by. Spock noticed that through the night the forest had thinned and up ahead he saw a clearing. 

He pointed it out to McCoy.

"Oh, thank God! I didn't think I could take another moment in this place."

"Me neither." Jim said as he attempted to get up, grimacing as his back twinged. Spock held out a hand for him to take. Jim didn't take it immediately, looking up at Spock first, Spock raised an eyebrow causing Jim to smile and take the offered hand, pulling himself up. "Thanks." Jim said still holding Spock's hand.

"You are welcome, Jim."

McCoy for the second time rolled his eyes at the couple of idiots. I-Chaya tipped his head curiously at the pair, McCoy shook his head and said to I-Chaya, "You'll understand when you're older." I-Chaya cocked his head to the other side, looking at McCoy with an almost confused look in it's eyes. McCoy chuckled and petted his head. "Come on, let's get out of here before you learn too much too fast."

"We can hear you, Bones." Jim said. 

McCoy looked innocently between them. "What?"

Noises similar to vehicles coming from up ahead caught their attention. McCoy looked over his shoulder then back at Jim and Spock, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. "Did that sound familiar to you?"

Spock nodded slowly as he moved nearer the source of the sound, McCoy, Jim and I-Chaya close behind.

When they emerged they were met with concrete under foot and a city laid out in front of them.

"San-Francisco." McCoy said. "To the last detail."

True, Spock thought. He recognised this street perfectly, they were a few blocks away from his home.

"Was this you, or me?" McCoy asked as he looked at their very familiar settings.

"It is possible that it was both of us." Spock said.

Jim took in the city. Why couldn't he quite remember this place? There was some meaning to it, he could feel it but what? He looked at Spock. This place meant something to him he could tell. San-Francisco. Why did that sound so familiar? He followed them further into the city, Spock knew where he was heading. Home. What he would find there he did not know. Nothing? Another illusion of Jim? The real thing? He wouldn't hope for anything until he saw for himself. McCoy knew where they were going, it felt strange being home after not so long ago leaving it, even though he knew it was just San-Francisco from their combined memories. Places like these were dangerous if you didn't keep your wits about you. If you weren't careful you could live in paradise but be forever caught in a dream. Dreams were nice but when everything was easily created for you, was it really living? McCoy would prefer to get back home as soon as possible.

*

Spock stood outside their apartment building. Just a few floors up was either an empty home or what he'd risked everything to find. McCoy put a hand on his shoulder, he said nothing, just offered silent support. Jim didn't say anything either, he feared what Spock would find up there, if it was another him and according to Spock, the real him, he would suddenly be insignificant and alone. He would have no one here when they left and he'd have to watch Spock leave with someone who was him but wasn't. It was all very confusing and upsetting.

Spock looked around at Jim, saw his sad expression, Spock wished that he didn't have to go through this, all this Jim knew was that he was Jim and Spock had rejected not only him but his existence.

"Jim..." Spock attempted to say something that might help. Jim shook his head, stopping him.

"It's alright, Spock. There's nothing I can do to change your mind. I just don't know what to do if you're right."

Spock had no comforting words to offer him, he wished he did.

I-Chaya sensed that something was upsetting his master and his friend and that upset him, his tail was between his legs and his ears had flattened. He nosed at Jim then Spock's hand. Spock looked to I-Chaya, it was a shame that he wasn't real either, he would liked to have taken him home to meet his Jim. McCoy and Spock followed by I-Chaya and Jim stood outside the flat. This was it, their search could be over beyond that door.

Before Spock entered he was sure he heard voices. McCoy's brow furrowed.

"There's someone in their Spock! It could be-"

"We must not get ahead of ourselves." Although, he did feel an inkling of the bond. Spock entered and almost faltered. His brow creased in confusion. In front of him was not just Jim, his Jim, of that he was sure, but himself too.

There was his Jim embracing another him, the stab he felt at seeing Jim so happy was added pain to what he'd endured already.

McCoy was too surprised to say anything and it wasn't his affair to get involved in. Jim stayed back but knew that Spock felt now what he did.


	11. Chapter 11

Jim awoke from a strange dream, it was most upsetting. He had seen Spock, in despair and distressed, Jim had wanted to comfort him but no matter what he said or how loud it fell on deaf ears. Jim had awoken with tears staining his face. The dream had shaken him up badly, to see Spock so devastated was heartbreaking. But what would be the cause of Spock's sadness?

He felt arms gather him up, Jim relaxed into them, he was glad that Spock wasn't really hurting. He turned in the arms to face Spock.

"What is wrong, T'hy'la?" Spock studied Jim's wet eyes with concern.

"I'm fine. I just had-" A flash of sensation went through his mind and for a moment it was like he had woken up from a dream again.

Spock stroked Jim's hair. "What?"

Jim tried to hold onto the sensation but it disappeared again. "Nothing... just a bad dream." He held onto Spock a bit tighter for comfort.

"You are sure?" Spock asked, gazing down at Jim.

If he was honest he wasn't sure, the dream stayed with him all day and followed him into sleep again. He woke the next morning early, Spock was still sleeping beside him. Jim looked at him laying there peacefully, Jim should have felt comforted at seeing Spock's presence right next to him, but why then did it feel like he was so far away?

Spock noticed Jim's off behaviour, he was acting more subdued and seemed to be somewhere else. Most odd for Jim. He approached Jim who was sitting in their living area, face pensive, he didn't even notice when Spock sat down next to him. Spock placing his hand on top of Jim's snapped him out of it.

"What is bothering you, Jim?" Spock asked.

Jim shook his head, attempting a smile. "It's nothing. Really."

Spock felt Jim's worry. "Is the dream still upsetting you? It may be beneficial to talk about it."

Jim smiled genuinely this time. "It's silly. I know it's just a dream but it felt so... real."

Spock listened and nodded. "Dreams can affect people if it is something distressing. I would not find it "silly" that you are upset by a dream."

"Have you ever been affected by a dream?"

"Vulcan's do not dream."

"Oh, yes, of course."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Well... it," Jim sighed. "it was about you." Spock quirked a brow. "You were just so... sad. More than that you looked so broken and I couldn't comfort you. You were alone and I couldn't go to you." Jim started to get emotional. Spock opened his arms to Jim.

"I am right here, with you. It was not real."

Jim held onto Spock wanting to believe that and say "I know" but there was just something about that dream that felt like he was being shown something important. Why did it feel like all of a sudden, Spock, who was holding him was feeling more and more like a stranger, Jim felt terrible about that, he held on tighter to Spock trying to drown out the doubts that overwhelmed him.

As the day went on the feeling still didn't relent and Jim was getting frustrated. Why was he starting to feel so out of place like he didn't belong here anymore? Spock took the opportunity to try and settle Jim's worries.

"Jim, do you remember when you mentioned that you wanted to take a trip out of the city?"

"Yes."

"I had thought that perhaps now would be a good time to do so."

"You mean, right now?"

"That was my intention. You had talked about it with great enthusiasm, I would like to see you enjoy yourself."

Jim smiled, happy in the moment. Spock held the equivalent of a smile in his eyes as he extended his hand to encase Jim's. Jim met it and then fell into Spock's arms. He closed his eyes, contentment beginning to fill him until suddenly like a lightning bolt a golden thread sprang to life in his mind, his eyes snapped open and he pulled back from Spock. He looked up at him and suddenly realised he wasn't Spock, he could feel it now. He stepped back, Spock looking at him confused at his sudden change in behaviour, Jim could sense a strong pull in his mind, he was afraid to look behind him.

He turned in what felt like slow motion, when he saw Spock he felt the bond sing in his head and felt memories flooding back. The accident, this place... this, all of this wasn't real. The dream-- it had been real, he'd left Spock all alone and had forgotten and been living, happily, with a vision that he'd created. He could see the pain in his Spock's eyes. Oh God, what had he done? He looked between both Spock's and felt guilt at both of their expressions that he had put there. How could he have just forgotten Spock like that? Replace him and leave him alone thinking he was dead. And Spock, his Spock, had come for him, he didn't deserve Spock's loyalty, he tried to say something but all he could do was open and close his mouth a few times, overwhelmed by the reality.

Spock looked to the other Spock, McCoy and other Jim that had entered, he must have looked as this other Spock did. He'd never thought he'd see that look in his face, never thought a Vulcan could look so lost but there it was, he noticed Jim's double, keeping back, looking similarly lost and sadly accepting of the situation.


	12. Chapter 12

Jim looked helplessly at his Spock. What explanation could he give to him that would make everything okay? How could Spock ever forgive him? He and Spock locked eyes the whole time, Spock was relieved that he had found his Jim but the jarring image of Jim in another man's arms was a punch to the gut, yes, even though that other man was technically him. He saw the dawning realisation on Jim's face the same time he felt the bond grow stronger, the accident must have messed with Jim's memory and Spock knew that Jim would never deliberately forget and replace him if his memory hadn't been altered, he knew Jim would have been trying to find a way out as much as he had been trying to get here, he just wasn't expecting to see Jim as if nothing had happened, he could see now that it was all hitting Jim full force, could see the guilt and confusion.

It was all becoming too much for Jim and he started to hyper-ventilate, Spock rushed to him when he saw Jim almost faint. Both Spock's were at his side as they lowered him to the floor. They eyed one another a moment, both sizing each other up. The real Spock had Jim in his arms who was trying to get his breathing under control. Spock only took his eyes off of his other self when he felt Jim reach for him and quietly call his name. When Jim touched him he knew it was real this time because he felt the bond vibrate with the familiar touch and the emptiness that had been present ever since he had lost Jim now vanished. He felt whole again and he knew it was the same for Jim when he saw his face smooth out and his eyes soften.

"I'm so sorry, Spock. Please, forgive me." Jim communicated through the bond. Spock placed a hand on the side of Jim's face and wiped away a stray tear with his thumb.

"There is nothing to forgive, Ashal-veh."

Jim's brow furrowed and he sat up, gripping at Spock's arms. "But there is! I forgot! I'm so sorry I left you alone. I never meant to hurt you, I-"

Spock paused Jim's apologies by placing his fingers against his lips.

"I do not blame you. You were as unaware of my grief as I was to you being alive. Should I ask for forgiveness for taking so long to come for you?"

Jim shook his head. "I don't deserve it but I'm gad you did." He held Spock's gaze a moment longer before diving into Spock's embrace, somewhere he felt he hadn't been for a long time. Spock couldn't describe the feeling he felt finally having Jim in his arms after thinking he'd never feel his warmth or weight against him again, he was almost on the verge of laughing he was so full of joy.

The other Spock had stood and backed off, he had been replaced and he knew his other self had won. What was he to do now? Was he supposed to just let Jim go? They'd been happy hadn't they? Why should this other him just show up and steal Jim away. But he saw Jim's emotional response to this Spock and knew that even if he were to deny and challenge his other self, Jim would choose the other. He looked over at the other Jim that had arrived with them, saw the conflicts warring within him, saw him look on, envious of the Jim in that Spock's arms. So, they were both alone now.

*

Spock and Jim went into the other room to talk, leaving McCoy with the other Spock and Jim and a very confused I-Chaya who sat close to McCoy and studied Spock who was sitting across from them, Jim was on the other side of the sofa to Spock trying his best not to look like he was staring. McCoy felt incredibly awkward sitting there, he cursed the other two for leaving him alone with their very confused counter parts.

*

Spock watched Jim pace the room, giving him time to come to terms with what had happened. Jim was still trying to process that he had been stuck in an alternate part of space all this time, what Spock had informed him had been some months. Months Spock had been made to believe he had been dead. He looked to Spock who was patiently waiting for him.

"Spock, I'm not sure what to say. Which is a strange feeling, I've never had trouble with that before. It's like I've been in a dream and just woke up, I'm afraid I still might be."

Spock stood and held Jim's face between his hands. "If you do not trust yourself to believe this is real, trust me. I am real."

Jim hugged Spock.

"I trust you."

Spock held Jim to him, pressing a kiss on top of his head. Jim closed his eyes as he laid his head against Spock's chest, he inhaled feeling the rightness of being in his Spock's arms. Spock used the moment to just feel the bond, he knew it had undergone great strain, they would have to go through the bonding ritual again to restore it to it's former strength but for now he basked in the welcome glow that Jim's presence in his mind brought.

Jim reveled in the peace he felt in his mind and soul that he felt resonating from Spock, now that they had found each other again they had one other dilemma to address. Jim didn't want to break the moment but they really should get back to normality as soon as possible.

"Spock?"

Spock turned his head, resting on top of Jim's, to look down at him.

"Yes, Jim?"

Jim turned his head to look up at Spock.

"I hate to ruin the moment but I suppose you'll be eager to get out of here like I am. I should ask how you intend to do that. How did you even make it here in the first place?"

Spock sat down pulling Jim with him.

"Do you remember the electrical disruption that the Enterprise encountered?"

Jim nodded.

"In the middle was concealed a tear in space, my theory was that it was a portal to another dimension."

"You were right. But how did you manage to get through it?"

"We took a shuttle-craft and drove it into the centre of the storm. We hoped the craft could take the strain, thankfully it did."

"So you still have the shuttle to take us back?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"The shuttle made it in one peace but it died once we made it through."

Jim's face dropped.

"So we're stuck here?"

Spock caressed the side of Jim's face.

"I regret I cannot at present find a way we can escape."

Jim let that sink in, stuck here, where everything and anything could be created for you, possibly forever. There could be worst places to be trapped and as long as he had Spock he didn't really care where he was. Jim smiled gently at Spock.

"It's alright. Listen, Spock, it's not your fault. We could be stuck in less pleasant places. I'm not so worried if I'm with you."

Spock did something he rarely initiated, he leant forward and caught Jim's lips in a human kiss. He pulled back and gazed upon Jim's serene expression, Jim's eyes fluttered open and searched Spock's.

"Neither am I." Spock said.

When they emerged from the next room they were met with a very tension filled room. Jim's uplifted mood instantly dampened as he saw the resigned look in the other Spock's eyes as soon as he saw the two come out together.

Spock felt quite similar when he saw the other Jim's face.

Jim made to get up to leave, Spock watched him go.

"Where are you going, Jim?"

Jim shrugged.

"I don't know. Back to the ranch I suppose, if it's still there." He looked to the door. "I'll be honest, I'm scared."

The other Spock stood to address him.

"Why?"

Jim laughed bitterly.

"I guess I don't know whether I'll exist anymore if I leave. I don't want to disappear."

Spock was about to say something but Jim placed a hand on his chest to stop him. Spock looked at him quizzically. Jim just nodded his head towards the other Spock, they both kept silent and watched.

Spock's double approached Jim's, standing in front of him.

"I do not wish to disappear either." He looked back to the real Jim. "I have enjoyed living."

Jim felt terrible for causing any Spock to feel unwanted. Spock turned back to the other Jim and they considered each other. They were now connected by the same fate, either they would cease to exist once they were out of sight or they would step outside and continue to be but have no purpose. What would they do? Would they still be their own person? Jim looked at this Spock and saw the same uncertainty inside him. Jim held out a hand to him.

"I'd rather not go alone."

Spock looked at the offered hand then back to him. Jim was worried that Spock wasn't going to take his hand and felt disappointment and looked down, lowering his hand. Before his hand returned to his side Spock had captured it with his. Jim looked surprised but didn't look up right away, he finally, slowly peered up at Spock.

"I should like to go with you. If we should still exist, would you allow me to-"

"Yes." Jim said his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I did not finish-"

"It doesn't matter. Yes, yes to everything. I want you to come with me." A smile slowly spread across Jim's face, Spock's face softened and he traced Jim's jaw. McCoy who had been watching the interaction with his two friends was starting to smile happily himself.

"Well, would you look at that." He said as he turned to them. "That's what I call a dream couple."

Jim and Spock gave him a look but Jim's turned amused and ultimately relieved that even if they wouldn't be real anymore, in this moment they had each other to step into the unknown just like they always had.

I-Chaya who had been watching, was looking between two identical couples, whining in confusion. Spock took the sehlat's face in his hands.

"You should go with them, I-Chaya. You will be happy." Spock walked over to his other self, I-Chaya following him. "If you do find yourselves to exist beyond here, I-Chaya will need someone to look after him."

The other Spock held out a hand to I-Chaya who sniffed it, wagged his tail and pushed his way between the other Spock and Jim. Jim laughed and pet him.

"Thank you. We'll take good care of him."

Spock gently tipped Jim's chin.

"I could think of no one better." Jim smiled. "I wish you happiness Jim." He looked to his other self. "Both of you."

His double looked to Jim.

"I believe I shall be."

Jim looked down bashfully. He turned and whilst still holding Spock's hand and I-Chaya in their stead, left the apartment.

Jim looked after them and felt a sense of melancholy.

"I know it's strange to think about another you and me potentially wondering around but I hope they make it."

McCoy came up behind them both and clapped them on the back.

"Well, I don't know about you two but I'd consider that a happy ending."

Spock turned to him.

"Almost, Doctor."

McCoy clapped his hands together.

"Of course! All that's left is to go home. So, Spock, what's the plan?"

Spock shared a look with Jim.

"Well, you see Bones, there's a bit of a problem. We can't get back."

McCoy's face fell.

"What?"

"Our shuttle had ceased to function if you remember, McCoy and without that it is unlikely we'll be leaving here." Spock said.

McCoy deflated.

"So we're stuck here. Forever?"

"It's looking likely Bones."

McCoy sighed.

"What now then?"

Jim and Spock looked at each other.

"Whatever we want."


	13. Chapter 13

Spock and Jim lived in their apartment for some time, at least six months and he had to admit that being able to conjure up anything they wanted was quite fun at times, although Spock did ask him to turn their bedroom back to normal after Jim had turned the bed into a huge, four poster that Spock had said was far too outlandish. During their time they had also re-established their bond.

McCoy had turned his apartment down town into a mansion and was quite proud of his home and many dogs he had living with him, his favourite was one black Labrador that he had had as a child.

Their life had become quite happy and as time passed they almost forgot they weren't home on Earth, almost. They would on occasion become home sick and visit the shuttle-craft just to see if they could get it to work but it was useless. It would seem they would spend the rest of their days here.

Soon years had passed and Jim had gotten older as had Spock and McCoy. Jim sat on the porch of the ranch house that they had decided to live in some years before and looked out, watching the sunset. Spock was inside making dinner from the vegetables he had picked earlier that week. He was lost in thought about how their lives had turned out, they'd been very happy here and he honestly didn't care where they lived their lives out.

Jim inhaled and stood, ready to return inside and see how Spock was getting on. He stepped inside and heard Spock in the kitchen, he made to go and help him, as he neared the kitchen he heard a crash. He hurried to see if Spock was alright, he felt cold ice spear his heart when he saw Spock on the floor, gasping for air and in pain. He dropped to his knees beside Spock.

"What's wrong, Spock?"

Spock tried to answer but he only managed to say a few words in a strangled voice.

"Jim... my heart..."

A heart attack Jim realised with dread. He thought about McCoy but he was too far away to get here and help. He gripped Spock's hand and watched as Spock's face scrunched up in agony. He had an idea then, a mind meld. Spock had done it to him to relieve him of pain before, would he be able to do it for Spock now though? He found the right points on Spock's face and concentrated on the bond, he gasped when stabbing pain shot through his chest. He felt Spock's fear and took that too, he tried not to channel his own fear as he concentrated on what Spock was feeling.

"It's okay, Spock. I'm here."

A tear escaped Jim's eye the same time one fell from Spock's.

"Jim... I am dying..." 

Jim gripped his hand tighter, he managed to control the pain enough to speak. "Hush... don't speak. It'll be alright."

Jim gritted his teeth as another wave of pain went through him. Spock's vision started to darken around the edges.

"K'diwa... I- I'm sorry..."

Jim could feel Spock slipping away, he would have held on until he was dragged down with Spock too but Spock pulled away before Jim was pulled too far. Jim felt the connection severe and in despair held Spock to him, he was gone.

*

Jim found existence without Spock unbearable, Spock must have felt this way when he had gone missing, he'd only had to endure it a month or so, Jim would have to endure it much longer. He'd never thought he'd outlive Spock, he'd thought he'd die of old age way before Spock, he knew that Spock's father had had heart problems but he'd hoped that Spock would be spared that.

McCoy had come to visit more often to keep Jim company, he'd appreciated that, but it would seem life even here could be cruel because McCoy passed away some years later, peacefully, thankfully. He'd fallen asleep and not woken up. Jim had cried for some time that night, he had not long lost Spock and now his best friend and the grief of losing two people that meant so much to him was devastating.

He lived out the remainder of his years on the ranch. Every night he'd make his way to the end of the garden were Spock and McCoy's graves both lay. He'd talk to them awhile and then sit until it got dark, he knew his time was coming to an end, he'd been only existing up until now and tonight as he sat in front of Spock and McCoy's resting places he knew that it would be his last. He'd a had enough of just existing.

He made his way to his bedroom and got into bed, he turned on his side and took one last look at a picture he had of Spock, himself and McCoy that they had taken years ago, he held it close and closed his eyes.

*

  _"James. T. Kirk."_

_Jim thought he heard his name being called from a far away place. The voice echoed around him, but he couldn't see anyone, he couldn't see anything. Darkness encompassed him. Where was he?_

_"How did you find me?"_

_Why did that sound like Spock?_

_Jim couldn't speak._

_"James Tiberius Kirk. We thank you." Another voice addressed him. Who was that? He thought._

_"We are the Syntelli. An ancient race of higher beings. We thank you."_

_Telepathy. Jim realised. "What for?" He asked._

_"You have shown us what it is to live. To love another no matter the circumstances and what it means to experience loss. We have learnt much."_

_"I don't understand." Jim said._

_"You need not to. You have sacrificed much. We shall restore you as you you were."_

_"What do you mean? Aren't I dead?"_

_Jim heard a light laugh echo around him._

_"In a sense. But as you deduced long ago, nothing in this part of space is truly real."_

_Jim felt a wave of excitement. "Do you mean I can go home?"_

_The voice was warm and gentle._

_"Yes, my child. You may return and we shall restore you to your former self."_

_"My former self? What does that mean?"_

_The voice did not answer instead Jim was blinded with a white light._

_"Farewell, James Kirk."_

That was the last thing Jim heard.


	14. Chapter 14

Jim awoke, in bed, his bed. He sighed, he had hoped he wouldn't have to face another day in this place. He dragged himself out of bed and looked out the window, he sighed again, the same old city. He turned to get dre- Wait! What? City? He rushed to the window again. What happened to the country? He looked around him, what happened to the ranch? He then caught his reflection in the window. Was he... younger? He ran to the mirror. His hand flew to his face. He looked at least twenty years younger. What in the world? He looked back out the window. Was this all his imagination too? But then why did the city look different? Not too much but enough to be noticeable. Was that building always there? Why did the vehicles seem just that little bit different too? He slowly backed away from the window and looked around, racking his brain. The last thing he remembered was walking up the stairs to his ranch and laying in bed. 

Then... then... The voices! The... Syntelli? What had they said? 

_"You will be restored as you were."_

Was this what they meant? He looked as he did before he went missing, so... if he had been restored once he had "died" in that other place... the others must have too! Jim grinned, he had to find them! He hurried and got dressed. It seemed that what looked like their old apartment wasn't inhabited by anyone else. So, where was Spock? Where could he go to find out? The university where he worked should be a good place to start.

When he got there and asked about if Spock still worked there he was met with blank faces and told that no such person had worked here before. Jim had left very confused. Spock had worked here for years why all of a sudden did no one remember him? Where would he go now? Maybe McCoy knew.

He went to where McCoy lived but again was met with people he didn't know inhabiting his flat and telling him they didn't know a Leonard McCoy.

He was starting to think he was going insane. Where could he go? Star-fleet? But would they remember him? He wasn't too sure they would. He had to try though.

*

As he stood among the bustling cadets he felt nostalgia, two officers passed him, one overly enthusiastically talking to the other who was just calmly carrying on as the other gestured wildly and hit him in the chest. He quickly caught their ranks on their shoulders, a captain and a commander, huh, a Vulcan too. Just like he and Spock. He shook his head at their familiar interactions, Spock used to look at him like that when he talked wildly and excitedly around him.

He walked in and found an admiral, they should know.

"Excuse me."

The admiral turned to face him.

"Would you know of a Leonard McCoy and a Vulcan called Spock?"

The admiral nodded. "Yes. They're part of the crew of the Enterprise. May I ask who you are?"

Are? Jim thought. Shouldn't that be was? This admiral didn't know who he was either. He smiled. "Jim... Smith. I used to know them I heard they were nearby, that's all."

"You used to serve?"

"Long ago. Well, anyway, thank you."

He was even more confused. He sat on a bench for awhile and tried to figure out what was going on. Why was everything... wrong? As he sat there the two officers from before came back his way.

"Can you believe it, Spock? What do you think we'll see out there?"

Jim's head snapped up, it was the captain and Vulcan commander from before, but he'd been sure that the young man had said Spock.

"There are many undiscovered planets and civilizations, Jim."

Jim? Did he just call that other man Jim? He jumped up and approached them.

"Excuse me!"

They turned to him.

"Excuse me. Did I just hear you call him Spock?"

Jim and Spock shared a confused look. "Yeah... this is commander Spock, my first officer."

Jim looked to Spock. "And you called him Jim. Jim Kirk?"

Spock's brow furrowed. "Yes. He is my Captain."

Jim almost passed out.

"You've got to be joking me."

"Why would we be joking-"

"Spock." Jim, he turned back to this older man. "Can we help you?"

"I don't know. I... don't know."

Jim took the man's elbow when he looked like he was going to faint.

"Whoa! Are you alright?" He helped him over to a bench. "Who are you anyway?"

Jim shook his head. You wouldn't believe me, he thought. 

"Jim."

"Is there something we can do you for you, Jim?" Spock asked.

"I was looking for someone."

"Who?" Jim asked.

"You probably won't know him."

"Try us. Come on, if we don't we'll help you find who you're looking for."

Jim shook his head. "No, I think I should-"

"Listen, you need to sit and rest. Let us help."

"I don't even know if he exists here."

Spock and Jim shared another perplexed look.

"There's only one way to find out isn't there? What's his name?"

Jim laughed quietly to himself. "His name's Spock."

Jim looked surprised, a look that was mirrored in Spock's.

"So, your name's Jim and you're looking for someone called Spock?"

Jim nodded.

"Are you joking with us?"

"Unfortunately not."

Jim tipped his head, indicating for Spock to talk with him a moment.

"Excuse us a moment."

Jim and Spock moved a little away so as not to be overheard.

"Spock! It must be future Spock's Jim!"

"It is possible." Spock said looking at the older man.

"He said his name was Jim. You don't think-"

"I would think it highly likely Jim. He must be your other self."

"Is everyone from that other universe going to just start appearing?"

"Unlikely Jim."

"Where's the last place you heard Spock was?"

"He was on New Vulcan. But he heard he was returning to Earth for a short time, he has a place he stays in San-Francisco when he returns."

"Should we tell him?"

"If he is from Spock's timeline it would me remiss of us not to."

"You're right. I'd want to know if it was me."

Spock and Jim joined... Jim back on the bench.

"I believe we know who you are referring to. Although he does not go by that name here." Spock said.

Jim looked at him hopefully. "Really? You know Spock?"

"We do." Jim said.

"How?"

"It's a long story, but he came to our universe just a couple of years ago."

"Where is he?"

"He was on New Vulcan but I had heard that he would be returning to Earth soon." Spock informed him.

"How soon?"

"I am unsure."

Jim leapt up then surprising both of them. "Thank you!" He shouted running off.

Jim and Spock watched him go.

"You think we'll get another Bones come through?" Jim asked.

"Surak forbid." Spock said causing Jim to laugh.

Jim mellowed and turned to Spock.

"Do you think we should tell them?"

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim.

"I do not think that would be wise."

"Why not?"

"The Syntelli gave us this universe as our own, we shouldn't do anything that may alter what has been laid out for us."

"But don't you think it's strange that they should end up in the same universe as us?"

"Yes. It is, but Jim."

"Yes?"

"I think in this case, we should leave things alone."

Jim pouted then smiled when he saw Spock's serious look.

"You're no fun, you know that?"

Spock raised an eyebrow and Jim laughed again, wrapping his arms around Spock's neck and kissing his cheek.

"Jim! Not in front of the cadets."


	15. Chapter 15

Jim went back to the apartment. If Spock would be returning to Earth shortly then perhaps he would return here. He really should have asked his younger self but he had been to excited and bolted. He wished he knew how soon Spock would arrive, how would he explain his being here? Come to think of it, what was Spock doing here? So many questions that they needed to discuss.

It had been almost a week and Jim was starting to think that Spock would be no where near San-Francisco. He woke and got dressed planning to go to star-fleet and try and get more information, he realised he should have also asked what the other name Spock went by here, he really didn't think this through. As he exited the bedroom and into the living area a smash made him jump and yelp. He turned, surprised, he was met with a shell shocked Spock, hands frozen in front of him, a broken cup smashed in front of him. Jim's heart sped up.

"Spock?"

Jim looked him over, he looked older, past the age he had had that heart attack. Spock was still standing dumb struck, staring at Jim. He finally took a hesitant step forward, almost afraid to approach him, he looked as if he was seeing an apparition. Jim didn't move, waiting to see what Spock would do. Spock stood in front of Jim and with slow deliberance raised a hand, Jim stood looking into Spock's eyes. Spock touched Jim's cheek, the moment he made contact he snatched his hand back looking at it then back to Jim. Jim was also stunned, when Spock had touched him he had felt a spark at the point of contact.

"Jim." Spock's voice was hoarse.

Jim's eyes started to water. Spock pulled Jim into his arms.

"I did not think this day would come."

Jim felt something drip onto his head, he looked up to see tears staining Spock's face. He took Spock's face into his hands and wiped them away, he studied his face. "What happened, Spock?"

Instead of answering Spock swooped in to kiss Jim. He pulled away to gaze down at Jim with awe.

"There is too much to explain."

Spock led Jim to sit with him and started from the beginning when he had died in that place. He explained that when he had died for Jim it had been real but for Spock it was not, he had contacted by the Syntelli, just as Jim had and they had explained that they had kept them in that universe to learn from them and when Spock had "died" they had restored him to when they had arrived and thanked him for teaching them what it meant to live.

"That is when I woke up in our home. I had assumed I would have to wait for you to die in that other universe. I had also found that when I had awoken that time had passed differently.

"How so?" Jim asked. As he looked at Spock he felt he already knew.

"We had spent at least twenty years in that manufactured reality but eighty years had passed there."

"There? You mean here?"

"No, in our universe. This is not ours."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that. Did you know there was another you and me here? They seemed to know you."

"Yes, but that can be explained another time."

"Fine, but... eighty years, wow."

"Yes, then about ten years after I had been returned McCoy arrived. I explained to him what had happened, he lived another twenty years after that."

Jim looked down solemnly. Spock cupped Jim's face.

"And then, the rift we had entered closed all on it's own and I feared you would never be returned." Spock scanned Jim's face. "When I found myself here, so far from our own universe, I had given up hope of ever seeing you again."

Jim grasped Spock's hands and met his eyes. "How long Spock? How long did you wait?"

Spock lovingly searched Jim's face.

"It does not matter."

"It does to me. How long?"

Spock sighed fondly. "Seventy-eight years."

Jim had to look away. "That long?"

Spock took Jim's face and turned it back to look at him.

"I would wait several lifetimes for you if that is what it took. Seventy-eight years is not that long a wait in comparison."

Jim shook his head. "It's hard to believe that we've found each other twice now in such impossible circumstances."

"I have found when it comes to you that impossibilities are seldom such."

Jim smiled softly. "So, what have you been up to all this time?"

"I became an ambassador for Vulcan."

"An ambassador?" Jim smiled proudly. "That's wonderful." His smile dimmed a little.

"Something wrong?"

"What do I do now? I've got my life back but it's been nearly one hundred and twenty years plus I'm not even in the same timeline. I have no purpose here."

Spock took Jim's hands in his. "Come with me to New Vulcan. We can spend time there and figure out what the future holds, together. It's sunsets are very beautiful this time of year."

Jim nodded and fell into Spock's open arms.

"I'd like that."

With the chance to live out their years together properly this time he was sure that whatever the future now held for them it would be of their own choosing.


	16. Chapter 16

_Several years later on the USS Enterprise_

Jim flopped down in a chair in the rec room.

"I can't wait until we get some Shore leave. I could use some R&R."

Spock eyed him over his book.

"You have been pushing yourself again, Jim."

"I'm the captain, if I don't give a hundred percent all the time-"

"I know, Jim. I am glad that you will have time to take some time for yourself now."

Jim sighed as he leaned back. "Yeah, it feels like it's been ages since we went home. Did you check how I-Chaya was doing?"

Spock nodded. "He is well."

"That's good. I miss that little furball."

Spock quirked an eyebrow.

"Indeed."

Spock and Jim finally made it to port, beginning their shore leave.

They had for awhile now acquired a place that they used whenever their shore leave bought them to Earth. It was a smallish place but they didn't need a big place as they never really stayed there for long. As they opened the door Jim peered in.

"I-Chaya? Where are you little buddy?"

Spock entered after him.

"Jim. I do wish you would refrain from calling him-"

An excited yap cut him off and the sound of nails on hardwood floor grew louder as I-Chaya ran to the front door.

"There he is!" Jim bent down and picked I-Chaya up and cuddled him. "Did you miss us? Daddy missed you."

Spock sighed. "I wish you stopped that too."

Jim made a pouty face. "What?" He held I-Chaya closer to Spock's face. I-Chaya began licking his face. "Aw, look he missed you too even though you refuse to acknowledge him as your son."

Spock took I-Chaya, stroking him once and then letting him back down. "Jim, sometimes I do not understand you. He is a sehlat-"

"Was a sehlat. He was minimized to look like a dog remember. Although, they could of at least gotten rid of the protruding teeth too, they're a bit hard to explain when he goes to the vets, but-"

"Jim."

"Yes, dear."

Spock wanted to scowl but found he couldn't, he shook his head affectionately. Jim smiled and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Were you about to say how much you loved me?"

"I believe I was."

Jim placed a quick kiss to Spock's lips.

"Good."

Jim released Spock and followed after I-Chaya.

"Do you think the other you and me are doing alright?"

"I don't see why they wouldn't be."

"Yeah, me either. It'd be weird to see a version of you and me that weren't together in one way or another."

"I have a feeling that there's something that connects you and I, through every universe."

"Why, Mister Spock. Do you mean fate?"

Spock gave a hint of a smile.

"Perhaps, Jim."


End file.
